Sharing my life and areas of inaccessibility, as a full-time electric wheelchair user.
What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?
Seems pretty obvious I know, but it’s hard to trust a liar.
It’s the little lies that really bug me, and I often can’t verify due to my disability. But it leaves you doubting people and not being able to verify anything.
Just tell people the truth, especially when they trust you, especially when they have no choice but to trust you.
I know I’ve written about this one before but it’s really bugging me again. And in true deflecting me style it’s not even the biggest problem I have to deal with now but we’re going with it anyway.
I think I’ve lost a bottle of pee.
Now in my house that’s not as stranger sentence as it might seem. Given I use a catheter to empty my bladder into a plastic bottle. I have been known to loose said bottle of pee in different areas, both in and outside the house. Now this post is less about the hottie of pee and more about the fact that I’m unable to look for it myself.
Now because I can’t look for this myself I always feel like it hasn’t been looked for properly. Years of mistrust slowly creeping there. And there’s very little I’m able to do about the entire situation, that in itself is the most frustrating part. If I could look myself, I didn’t find it, I know I would’ve tried my hardest. I can’t know that for certain of other people.
Being disabled as essentially having trust people throughout your life, at least for me. You don’t get a choice about needing their help, and you need it whether you trust them or not.
I feel like I’m being lied to, and ignored a lot, simply because they do not care about the question I’m asking. I know that it’s not on purpose but that doesn’t make it easier to deal with.
It’s not over anything important, but when I can’t check these things myself, and I don’t trust the answer I’ve been given. And its like I can feel the physical irritation of the problem getting to me. I wish there was a way to make the things I can’t change not bother me.
So I’m sorry if I ask a question multiple times, but it’s just me trying to get the feeling to go away. Eventually, it’ll pass but until it does I just have to learn to deal with it.
So I think part of my trauma of living with my disability has developed in my need to know everything about the little things in life. It makes me feel like I have some amount of control over my life, when in reality I control so little. This doesn’t help when the person I live with lies to me about things.
I know its to make me happy and they mean well and it just small things. But when I find out thar they lied to me it makes me feel more out of control.
I have no choice but to trust them. But I just don’t know how to sometimes. Sometimes I feel like they’re lying to me even when I can’t prove it. And asking them to prove it causes problems with them. They get upset with me.
So I try to skip that and check on things myself. But they offer to step in and do it for me, or sometimes it is something I can’t check without their help. Either way, I can’t make them understand why I need proof of these things. Why I really want to see proof of these things? How much something so minor to them is stressing me.
I think the little things in life, like where the batteries matter when you’re disabled. And I don’t think that’s my fault that they matter so much to me. And I don’t think it’s their fault that they don’t understand why it matters to me so much, they also have some processing difficulties so they genuinely just don’t get it I think.
It feels like there’s nothing I can do to get out of this situation. I need there help. I need to rely on them. They just don’t understand what that’s really like for me. And how much trust that involves.
My Inaccessible Life 