Tag: Things To Think About

A confusing part of being disabled.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

One of the most confusing things about being disabled is the lack of expectations. This world is full of expectations, things we’re supposed to have done by a certain point in our lives that will honestly make no sense to me ever.

But as someone who is visibly disabled, no one expects anything of me, and that would be nice if it wasn’t so humilating. And honestly the fact that I find it humiliating is even more confusing.

I know these stereotypes and pressures are wrong, but it’s a slap in the face when you think I don’t qualify for that wrongness. Which is weird in itself because logically I know wanting to be mistreated in this way doesn’t make sense.

That means everything I do has to come from me and my desire to do it, and I get zero recognition for the extra effort involved in that. As all the recognition I do get is tired up in whatever inspiration porn others decide to create from my existence.

I lost something

On By Katy DalyIn BlogLeave a comment

I have very limited control in my life, therefore the control I have is very important to me.

This translates into a few different areas into my life.

One area is the files on my computer. This makes sense when you realise that I can put everything where I want and in whatever way I want. There is no way my files will never not be accessible to me.

I think this is part of the reason I got so upset when I lost a file the other day, which I still haven’t found. It’s because I feel like I’ve lost control in an area where I had control, and that’s scary.

The file isn’t even that important, and I’m working on getting a replacement for it.

So this one’s to say don’t judge what other people find important because you don’t know why it is that they find it important.

Internalised Ablesim

On By Katy DalyIn BlogLeave a comment

So here’s something I’ve just realised as I sit in bed. I wanted my earphones.

But there were inacessible to me, in other words I couldn’t reach them. But instead of shouting my sister to get my earphones for me. I finished my drink and asked her for another, and when she came in to bring it to me, I asked her for my earphones.

I often do things like this without thinking. Think of something else I need, or sometimes create something else I need, in order to justify asking for the thing I actually want by asking for something I feel is more valid to ask for.

In doing this it has just occurred to me that I’m hierarching my own needs, deciding what’s important for me to need to help with and what isn’t. So I don’t waste the time of those looking after me with something unesssary.

This is obviously now, it occurs to me, internalised ablesim on my part. Convincing myself that I some things I need or want don’t matrer.

I’m going to think on this so I may come back to it.