I feel like I’m being lied to, and ignored a lot, simply because they do not care about the question I’m asking. I know that it’s not on purpose but that doesn’t make it easier to deal with.
It’s not over anything important, but when I can’t check these things myself, and I don’t trust the answer I’ve been given. And its like I can feel the physical irritation of the problem getting to me. I wish there was a way to make the things I can’t change not bother me.
So I’m sorry if I ask a question multiple times, but it’s just me trying to get the feeling to go away. Eventually, it’ll pass but until it does I just have to learn to deal with it.
I think the most unique thing about humans is the way we experience emotions.
The fact that different things make us all angry, sad, scared, loved. While you may understand someone’s emotions it can be difficult to understand what triggers them, and impossible to understand how they feel them. And I honestly find that extremely fascinating.
I firmly believe that nobody’s experience is exactly the same where emotions are concerned. But if you can try to understand someone’s emotions in a situation you may be able to understand more about them and who they are as a person.
I feel like emotions, the emotions of others, are a big part of how I understand the world around me. I think this comes down to my disability, and the fact that I cannot understand the world completely physically. No matter how I hard I try, physically there will always be things that I miss due to my disability. But emotionally I am able to have a more complete understanding of the world around me. Man made ablesim doesn’t exist in the emotional world.
But just because I understand the world around me better through emotions, doesn’t mean that my emotions are easier to deal with.
At the minute I am dealing with anxiety over doing something that I know is important but scares me because it involves a phone call. I hate phone calls. No matter how important I know they aren’t I don’t want to make them. Annoyingly sometimes I get the confidence to make the necessary phone calls, but of course this never lines up to when I’m actually able to do that. And when I am able to do it, my anxiety acts up again.
What I can be sure of is my emotions don’t like me. But maybe that’s part of what makes me a unique person.
I am the type of person that will be bothered by things at random points in the day. The things I’m bothered by usually don’t matter, they’re just inconsequential little things, like where my gloves that I don’t really need right now are.
The problem is my disability and the inaccessibility of the world around me means that I cannot go looking for these things myself. Therefore I am left reliant on those around me to do what must be frustrating and seemingly pointless, just to deal with the anxiety created by whatever is bugging my brain so to speak.
The frustration is very physical to me, like an ich I can’t scratch. It honestly seems to play on repeat in my head, heightened at the most unhelpful times, until I have some way to deal with it.
Equally annoying is what these states of discomfort can be triggered by. For instance I just got triggered from reading a Facebook article. That wasn’t fun.
This is minor I know. But things like this really bug me. Things I can’t fix, things that are out of my control. They make me feel physically uncomfortable for a while. After a bit I’ll accept that what’s done is done and move on with my life. I do my best to hide just how much things like this bug me, and I think I do a pretty good job for the most part.
But right now I feel physically uncomfortable and on edge because of something that I logically know doesn’t matter. Like I can feel my muscles spasming slightly in frustration and anger at my inability to fix the situation.
So this one’s a reminder not to judge how upset people get over things that seem irrational.
My Inaccessible Life 