What’s it like when something irrational bothers you

I am the type of person that will be bothered by things at random points in the day. The things I’m bothered by usually don’t matter, they’re just inconsequential little things, like where my gloves that I don’t really need right now are.

The problem is my disability and the inaccessibility of the world around me means that I cannot go looking for these things myself. Therefore I am left reliant on those around me to do what must be frustrating and seemingly pointless, just to deal with the anxiety created by whatever is bugging my brain so to speak.

The frustration is very physical to me, like an ich I can’t scratch. It honestly seems to play on repeat in my head, heightened at the most unhelpful times, until I have some way to deal with it.

Equally annoying is what these states of discomfort can be triggered by. For instance I just got triggered from reading a Facebook article. That wasn’t fun.

Sometimes people are just too much.

And it always seems to hit me when I have a lot going on, like this week. I never really get the option to just disappear like I want to sometimes, to just be away from people, due to the help I need. I get a couple of hours at most. But it doesn’t feel like enough.

Part of me would live in the middle of nowhere away from everyone, in these moments. But I don’t have the option.

I’m sorry I don’t feel like I can say more about this right now.