Just to put this somewhere. I’m getting pretty good at this already.
Ive been sorting out the animals myself in the morning. To have them all done by 10am is a massive improvement.
Tag: My dog’s are my children
My dog.
I haven’t decided yet whether I’ll post this one do you know or it’ll stay in my drafts. I guess if you’re reading this I’ve made my decision.
I love my dogs. I love dogs in general. But as I’m sure every dog parent will tell you, and they would be right, my dogs are special. But the thing is I can’t do everything that my doggy needs me to do for them because of my disability, and sometimes I feel guilty. Guilty that I can’t be the parent they deserve.
But the thing about dogs is they love you anyway, you do the best for them and that’s always enough for them.
Thank you girls. For making me a mum. For making me enough. I love you.
Living alone.
So first I want to apologies for my absence. It feels weird to continue life after losing someone close but life continues to go on whether you like it or not, so I’m trying to get back into this.
So the person who I live with is pregnant, and they are looking at moving out. So that leaves me at least eventually when they can find somewhere to live, living alone. And while there is no time scale on when this will happen, I’m still trying to plan for when it will happen. For whatever living independently is going to look like for me.
But living independently for me also means living with a dog, I can’t imagine my life without my babies. But one of my carers is very concerned about my ability to manage and in all honesty it’s getting on my nerves now. I’ve not even started trying and she’s already expecting me to fail because I’m disabled, I just don’t think that’s fair.
Sure it’ll take some working out, but I can do this. And I’ve got time to work it out. The only problem I can see is that she sometimes goes to the bathroom in the kitchen in the night. This is something I can clean up once I’m up, but obviously I won’t be up until the first time the cares have been in the morning. And if it really bothers them they can get stuff ready including water the night before, the bathroom is through the kitchen, so they won’t have to go through the kitchen until I’ve had the chance to clean everything.
I literally cannot think of another issue with having her that I can’t solve.
Any anything that might be a little more difficult is just worth it to have her, to live with her, to have my baby.
I deserve comfort and love. And a chance to live my own version of independence and for me that includes living with a dog. I don’t think that’s unfair, even if she sometimes goes in the house. It’s not like I have no way of cleaning it at all or I’m asking them to do it.
Anyway I have time to sort this. I just wish people would leave me to my business, and at least let me try before they’ve decided I’ve failed.
There’s a lot of change in my life lately, none of which I have been able to have a say in. And it’s very annoying to have people judge how I’m dealing with it all, when I’m just trying to do my best.
Sometimes you have to compromise
It is the norm that many of the places in society are inaccessible to me, that is the result of systemic ableism. Both societies view of disability when they build buildings and business owners view when they find places for their businesses. It’s just life for me, and many others, unfortunately.
As I rule I try not to go to inaccessible businesses. This is both because of the obvious reality that the businesses simply aren’t accessible to me, but also because I do not want to fund businesses that are inaccessible. I firmly believe that those with inaccessible businesses make the decision to have an inaccessible business. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, sometimes they just haven’t thought. But I still hold them responsible for that, hence why I try not to fund them.
But sometimes needs must.
And while it annoys me, I’ve spent so long looking and trying different dog groomers, for some reason they never stick. I can say the same about cleaners, but that’s a different story. I got tired of paying the extra money for a groomer with a van to come to my home once, then to be let down when I need them to come again. I care to much about my babies to let them suffer because of my disability, and this groomer is a very good distance from my home.
So the fact I can’t actually get in, seems like a very small problem, given they were also willing to work with me. While the fact I have to compromise and be served from the street irritates me. Sometimes you just need to do what you need to do to get the service you need.
She does look lovely, and it’s Immy’s turn on Monday, and all being well I will stick with them. I can make it work, it just really annoys me that I have to be the one to make it work. It’s always me compromising.
To business owners out there who may stumble across my post, make the right choices and use accessible premises. It’s the right thing to do.
Sometimes you’ve got to laugh.
Problems you only have when both you and your dog are incontinent, I couldn’t work out which one of us had wet the bed.
Sometimes you have to laugh at a situation. Even though I’m going to be stuck in this wet bed until the morning. She’s my baby girl and I wouldn’t change her for the world.
When you’re not the one fixing the problem you don’t get to decide how the problem is fixed.
So my little girl was at the vet today. That went about as well as can be expected.
But the person I live with left the medication she was given in the car of the person who took them to and from the vet. As I’m in bed I can’t go and collect it, and they do not want to do so until the morning.
This massively frustrates me as I want to check the medication now, but as I know it doesn’t logically matter I haven’t said anything to them. I know they would go if I asked them to, but I don’t want to be the one to do that. It doesn’t seem fair to make them do something that isn’t that important just because I can’t do it myself.
But if it were up to me I would go and get the medication now. And I think what’s really bothering me is less the problem but more that I cannot fix it the way that I want to.
I can’t help thinking that if I wasn’t disabled I would be able to solve the problem myself. Even more I would have been able to take her to the vet myself, and I wouldn’t have lost the medication so there wouldn’t be a problem to solve. I think this is tired to how useful I feel as a parent to my pets, if I wasn’t disabled I could just be more use to them, show them my love better.
I know logically this isn’t true. And that this isn’t a really big problem, but it’s the little problems that seem to upset me the most.
I just have to keep reminding myself that tomorrow it won’t be a problem anymore.
Fatigue sucks
Sorry about yesterday. After a day out with friends and looking after one of my babies after getting spayed. I crashed.
Knock knock, who’s there?
First of all, I’m sorry about the title of these posts. I’ve been watching criminal minds and it’s making me feel… creative. Please don’t look too much into that.
Advance warning of things is very important for me as a disabled person. It’s the only way I can really exist in the world independently, or as independently as possible. When something is sudden, it can be accessible to me. Whereas with warning might have been able to do something about the inaccessible situation, and therefore make it accessible to myself.
That being said, I am aware that not every situation can come with an advance warning. And it is in these sudden situations that I find myself more likely to be at the mercy of my disability. In other words I am more likely to face inaccessibility in new situations. Which itself makes me more wary of them and explains why I prefer advanced warning of situations. But as I’ve said, I know this is not always possible, and I recently experienced a situation like this.
My area had a power cut recently, this left me with an unusable air mattress for a short period of time. But thankfully a small amount of increased pain and discomfort was my biggest problem during the short term without power. The most difficult part and the most inaccessible part of the evening happened before the power actually went out.
This night I was alone, just by chance, when there was a knock on the door that I was unable to answer. After learning about the power court, I now know that the knock was likely someone to warn me of this. But up the time I had no idea who was knocking on the door or why they were knocking, and this was very unsettling for me.
Note to self, I really need to replace my door camera.
But it wouldn’t have really helped in this situation, besides telling me who it was at the door. It would not have meant that I would be able to let them in or answer the door myself. And I know that I wouldn’t have felt comfortable to speak to them through the camera, even if it had this function.
There were two reasons I was unable to answer the door on this evening. The first, and the most important being that I wasn’t in a chair that I am able to move myself. This chair is what I refer to as my comfy chair, and is a wheelchair that is just that. The cushions are softer and it is able to sit me in different positions. But it needs pushing by another person, so I am unable to move it when I am in it.
The second wish I was able to answer the door is because of the babies. My lovely little fur babies, pictured below.
If I was aware that I was going to have to answer the door to somebody, I would ensured both that I was in my electric wheelchair so that I could answer the door. And that the animals were safely away, so they would not get out while I did answer the door. But if there is a sudden knock on the door, and the animals are not safely where they belong. I will likely not be able to answer the door.
Even if I were in my electric wheelchair which would enable me to try to put the animals somewhere safe, I generally don’t even try to door this when the dog goes. This is because I’ve had a lot of experience of the people at my leaving I am able to safely get to the door. So trying when I know I will fail, and they will leave, is simply wasted energy.
To anyone reading this, that may think that I shouldn’t have animals if they make me unable to answer the front door when someone knocks on it. Just know that I would rather have the animals, than answer the front door. Even without my fur babies, I don’t always get to the door on time, so while they make it more difficult, they are not the root of my difficulties answering the door.
When I order food, for example, I have to put the babies away before the food arrives and wait by the door. As if I try to get to the door after it goes, they will leave and the food will be left on the floor where I am unable to reach it. And yes, I learn this the hard way.
It may sometimes appear that someone chooses to make the world inaccessible to them, by a choice they have made, which seems to make the world more difficult for them. but it’s important to remember that everybody is entitled to live the life that they want to, to make the decisions that they want to make, so long as no one gets hurt. And that these decisions don’t need to be justified.
The world could be made more accessible for me as a disabled individual, and as someone who has fur babies.
Assuming that the person that knocked on the door was something to do with the power cut. I know that I am already listed on the vulnerable register for the people that provide my power. They could have a note section on this list which highlights those that need to be called as opposed to just have their doors knocked on in situations.
I just wish people thought about accessibility in emergency situations beyond having a list of those who need help. My name being on a list isn’t necessarily as much help as you might think it is.
It is also important to remember that the flexibility a person has in a situation isn’t always up to them. If they can’t be as flexible as you want them to be in the situation, don’t make them feel guilty for it. Especially if a little bit of common sense tells you that it isn’t their fault.
Mothers Day 2024
The first picture is the largest one of my yellow labrador Immy, lying on my bed.
The second picture to the top is of my caviler king charles Bella sitting on the floor. They are both looking at the camera.
The final picture is of Ellis my grey cat with white patches who is side ways on to the camera.
The text above the pictures reads: “Thank you to my babies for making me a mum 🤎💛🩶”
Having no children, and knowing that that’s not possible, makes Mothers Day difficult. The older I get, the more of the people around me have children and move on with their lives, the harder it gets.
But the furbabies make it easier.
Sometimes I think I’m not allowed to feel the feelings today, because disenfranchised grief like this is never understood.
And it’s even harder for me to explain or feel because of that. So today I just did my best to ignore it all.
But if you’re feeling these feelings I just want you to know I see you.
Losing my mum has made this day even harder.
I’m sorry if this post doesn’t make a lot of sense. I feel very frazzled writing it.
My fur babies.
Who are your favorite people to be around?
Yes I know what the question says and that’s still my answer.
They don’t judge me. They don’t care I’m disabled. I’m just mum. And I’ll forever love them for that.
My Inaccessible Life 