This post is a part two of sorts to my previous post written before I the main act of the show I attended had come on stage, you can find that post by clicking on the link here.

The video to the left shows a Tiktok I created documenting this experience.

Now that I sit here after the show, I want to say more about how this actually felt. As I said in my previous post, at the time I wanted to ignore how I felt and focus on the experience of the concert, I am very glad I was able to do that. While it was definitely worth it to see one of my favourite artists, I have to admit the experience was still a difficult one for me.

The reality of attending concerts for me is a very emotional experience. Sometimes, though rarely it can go extremely well, most of the time, it doesn’t go the way I imagined. I can only think of one instance in all the concerts I have attended that I completely enjoyed the whole experience and didn’t feel like the accessibility of the venue got in my way. Most of memories of concerts are tainted by the inacessible I experienced.

I am not talking about whether or not I can see the stage necessarily, or even how close I am to it, though that can be a factor. What really gets in the way of my experiencing a concert is the elements that I have to do differently because of my disability. Whether I have to go in a different enterance, or be in a different section, though it’s usually both. In part I always feel like this ruins a small part of the experience. Depending on how bad the experience on the night is, sometimes it can feel like it ruins the whole show, though thankfully this wasn’t the case last night. That said if I am honest with myself, it was in part ruined by the access, just not completely, so I guess that’s something.

It’s a shame really, because for me music itself is a very unifying tool. It is one of the only parts of society that I feel I am able to access the same way as everyone else, to be blunt I feel normal when I’m lost in the music. So it really is sad to me that concerts can often have the opposite effect on me. That they can often make me feel more disabled, more segragated from the rest of the world. All I really want is to be able to experience concerts the same way as non-disabled people do, as part of the group, as a person.

I am not nieve sometimes, like last night, it is the building itself that stops me from being able to have this experience. In these instances I woild argue that the concert should move to a different venue, but some would say that I am being selfish for saying this. It’s weird being disabled sometimes, being told that I’m selfish for wanting what everyone else has, is it really to much to ask?

As I wrote this entry, I had to stop myself from blaming myself for being disabled, rather than the building I was in for being inaccesaible to me. Growing up disabled you learn from society that you are the problem, and while logically I know this isn’t true, it is really hard to escape from these feelings. Especially when society says that you don’t deserve to be a part of all it’s elements, like fun.

I don’t see it changing anytime soon. In a society that only just about thinks we deserve to live in it, and not if they think we might have to change it in any way for us to be included, true inclusion just seems unlikely. It just doesn’t feel like I matter enough for anyone to want me there, I’m to much of a hazzard for them, I am simply to much work. But hey, at least I’m in the building right?