Yes for the reasons you’re thinking of, but also not really for those reasons.
Let’s just say that money can solve most problems and if you really don’t believe that then you’re not paying attention to how privileged financially you are. Money could definitely solve the problem with travel for me. While much of the world is inaccessible, many of those inaccessibilities can be overcome with money.
Money the world does not want me to have because it does not want me to make a living for myself and have to see people like me in the real world. Money the world does not want me to have because I would not confirm to the useless disabled person they believe I should be. Money they’re able to keep from me.
Society wants me to be poor, and so I cannot travel. It is that simple.
That said, I would love to go to Vegas.
I know I said I was going to write much and I think I’m still going to keep this short and sweet but this one was to good not to answer
That’s not strictly true, as I did have a few jobs in university, in situations where they are specifically looking at employing students of the university. There are only things that lasted a day though. I did earn my first and to this day only paycheck which was nice.
But I’ve never really had a job despite trying. Many jobs are inaccessible to me, and people don’t really expect me to work. I tried for awhile to fight against this determine that I would fine something to do. But when your options are already limited, and people are just turning you away because you have no experience as no one will let you try. There’s only so many times you can be told no before you end up listening.
Just remembered that not everybody who doesn’t work doesn’t work because they’ve chosen not to. Whether a person is disabled or not they might want to work they may have tried to work but it is not always that simple.
I can’t just walk into a shop and get a 9-5 to pay the bills. I’ve actually dreamed through having a job like this. A job where I am able to earn my own money and have a role in society is all I really want. But I don’t think it’s in the cars and that makes me sad. 
I said this the other day, and someone felt the need to say they also can’t do things because they don’t have a lot of money, but that’s not the same thing.
We were talking about going on holiday, which they are able to do every so often and by holiday I mean going abroad.
They seemed insulted I suggested that this was something I would never be able to do as a disabled person, for several reasons including money. They had to insist that they also had money problems, which is a fair statement, but they still have the money to go on holiday.
This is something that isn’t even on my radar as a possibility. It’s far more complex as a disabled person, and costs money I don’t have and am unable to earn due to my disability.
If someone is telling you something is hard for them, it’s not your job to say it would also be difficult for you. This doesn’t mean you can’t share your own story to sympathise with them and show understanding, but this is not the same as going, what about me.
I’m not trying to be negative I’m just trying to be realistic. I honestly don’t think my life will be a lot different in three years, and to be honest, I’m not sure I want it to be.
If I’m lucky, I would like to have a job, and hopefully be on my way to completing PhD. Not forgetting that it would be nice to have a little bit more money in the bank.
If I had a little bit more money, I’d love to get my house done up. Maybe have a regular cleaner.
It’s hard to plan for a future that needs a lot of things to change for it to happen, when you know that things are unlikely to change.
I can’t predict the future, no one can, and honestly, I’m glad about that. I think it gives me more power to live by what will be will be. Let’s see where I end up I guess.
So, my carers told me this evening that my calls will be changing again. Specifically, they said that someone else will be coming in the morning, but they did not know who. The problem isn’t really that someone different is coming, though that can lead to awkward situations, it is that I don’t know if they will be coming on time.
Often my carers take it upon themselves to decide that my plans can’t be important enough for them to need to come as early as my call is scheduled for. Essentially this comes down to their belief that I as a disabled person can’t have plans that are important enough for them to come on time. There ableism is obvious to me even if they don’t see it.
So anyway, the result of this is I may not be able to do the things I have planned to do tomorrow if my carers are late. Not that they seem to be bothered.
Honestly, call me a hypocrite or whatever you want because I don’t work myself. But I don’t know any other job besides home care where people do not take times seriously. They literally don’t think disabled people have anything to do, it’s beyond frustrating.
My care is specifically provided by a company as it would take a lot of individual carers to ensure the consistency in care that I need, and this would be incredibly difficult to find. However, the downside of this is that they can change my care whenever they want, like they seem to be doing a lot lately, and there is nothing I can do about it.
This is one of the several reasons that I don’t have a job and would find it incredibly difficult to get a job. Namely, due to the inaccessibility of the world around me, which my carers do not help with. Though they are necessary, they make the problem of inaccessibility worse. But the fact they are necessary means there is nothing I can do if they literally will not get me up on time in the morning. Yes, I can complain, but that won’t get them there on time.
Anyway, lets see what happens, and if I get to go out tomorrow.
I’m disabled. But I live in a world where depending who someone is they will hold me to the standard of a non disabled person or a disabled person, sometimes interchangeably.
When people can’t decide whether you should or shouldn’t be treated as a ‘normal’ person, what they expect from you can often contradict.
On one hand they can expect you to get a job. On the other hand making a phone call can be a step to far for there ideas of your abilities.
All of this while remembering that the world is inaccessibility to me in many ways. So just because I want to do something doesn’t mean I can, and that is not my fault.
It can be hard to figure out what you want to achieve, what you should push yourself to try to achieve, and in all honestly just who you are.
We need to stop seeing disabled people as different, as less than non disabled people. The world is hard enough to navigate, without me having to try to decide if I want to try to prove I’m normal or not.
There are lots of things that I do day to day that I’m sure some would consider a waste of time.
I spend a lot of time scrolling and posting on different social media apps. I sleep a lot. I watch a lot of TV. On good days I write a lot.
Some if not all of these things that I do can be seen as a waste of time, particularly the sleeping. But they are all things I enjoy doing, therefore I don’t think that they are. The sleeping is the one that can cause me the most problems, it can make those around me think that I am lazy or that I waste time. But I have somewhat explained this in my previous post.
There are other things I do, like looking for work or writing more professional pieces which I’m sure fit the realm of being productive. And as is usually always the way doing these things is distinctly less enjoyable, but as an adult whatever that may mean, I attempt to do them anyway.
But I spend more time doing the things I enjoy. Not least because I have the time, if not the energy, due to my lack of employment. Some would see this as being lucky, to have the free time, I tend to disagree however as I want to work. And I am trying to find work that fits into my life and the control I have of it, even if this means I have less energy to do the things I want.
Anyway, I got a little distracted there, I apologies. This post is really intended to say that as long as you enjoy doing something it is not a waste of time. No matter what you spend your time doing, or what others may tell you about what you spend your time doing.
Having never worked it seems odd to consider the idea of retirement, it feels a little bit like reading the last page of a book, having not finished the first chapter.
Ableism comes in many forms, in my experience. One of which that is relevant here and in my general search for work, is that society doesn’t expect me to work. I have to be the driving force, and often the only force, behind me getting a job. Me never working is just explained away by societal ableism and misunderstanding that disabled people cannot work. And if I never get a job how exactly can I retire?
But lets pretend I do manage to get a job for a second, and see if I can answer the question of how I would like to retire?
I suppose it’s simply really, like anyone else I guess I would like to travel a little. But I don’t see that happening unless I get a really good job, that pays well. As traveling as a disabled person is often more expensive, and certain more risky, than it is if you are not disabled. But I guess my priority would be that everyone I care about is taken care of. I guess beyond that I would do very similar to what I do most days now. Spend time caring for my fur babies, and trying to deal with whatever ableist crisis faces me at the time.
I apologies for not including a very complex answer to this question, it was very difficult for me to think this far into the future, given my current position in life.
It’s hard to imagine a solid future, when your current feels so up in the air and out of your control.
I’m struggling with this today. Not particularly with not being disabled, but with how much of the world seems open to those who are not disabled.
I watch my friends succeed in doing things I will never be able to do. Get that job that pays them well enough to get that house, that I wouldn’t even be able to consider with the job. As you know even if I had the money to get the house it wouldn’t be accessible to me, or I would have to pay to make it so.
I have to check every level of life for its accessibility and it often fails. And I guess today that’s just draining me.
I just want to be able to live my life.
So if I’m off with you when you give me good news. I apologise. I tried not to be. I am incredibly happy for you and the success you have found. I’m just still stuck arguing for my basic rights on a day-to-day basis. Some days it feels like I will never get anywhere near what you have and I am envious.
As a disabled person I often feel like the term ” career plan” is a little bit ignorant of reality, a little bit too optimistic.
I wish that I could have a career plan and simply stick to it. But the continued in accessibility and ableism of society makes this difficult.
If you’ve been following me for a little while you will know that I am trying to look for work. At this point I am trying to look for any work from home, as this is the most accessible work to me at the moment. This is despite my qualifications in other areas.
While qualifications are important to some career plums, experience, may also be considered equally if not this is more important. Well I have the former in my chosen career area, education, I lack the latter.
When even my University struggle to find me experience in this area, it is not surprising that I find it so impossible alone.
It was suggested to me recently, that I complete volunteering work to get the necessary experience in order for me to get a job. As I haven’t got passed the interview stage previously due to this lack of experience. That is if I believe the managers of the job I did manage to make it to the interview stage with, that my only flaw was my lack of experience, and this itself is not ableism. My difficult in getting experience is surely reflective of the ableism of society. This suggestion that I would just be able to get experience in the field is definitely ignorant of the reality I have experienced.
This is all without considering the fact that the physical energy it would cost me to work, makes it only worth it for me if I am paid for the work that I do. I am far to qualified to put in the hard work involved in this job, simply for the sake of volunteering. This might sound harsh, as if a job is just about money. But I think I am just facing the reality that money, proper payment for hard work, is important.
And finally, lets not forget that I deserve to be paid for my hard work, and the fact I’m disabled, as a result of which a job is even harder for me to get. By that I mean that I cannot just take any job that comes, doesn’t mean I should simply volunteeer. I also want to add here that I have a great deal of respect for those that choose to volunteer, but I want paid work, for my own self worth, to prove I can earn my own money.
So you can see my chosen career path is a little complex, and I’ve only told you a very small part in all of this. I haven’t even begun to consider here the difficulties that could be involved in adapting a role so I can then complete were I to get it. It is all just very complex.
So I am looking for any job that I can do from home, just to be doing something, and of course earn a little more money. Though the same issue of lack of experience does also plague me here, at least other issues of access will not, when I hopefully eventually find something.
It might also be worth mentioning here that I am trying to get in to a professional freelance capacity if I can, and maybe eventually an author, in my longer term plans. This way I can at least give some of my dreams a fighting chance.
Do wish me luck with all of that, and I wish you all the best of luck with your career plans, and if necessary your back up career plans. I hope whatever you do works out for you.
My Inaccessible Life 