Tag: Housing

Nobody puts baby in the corner.

On By Katy DalyIn Blog1 Comment

But sometimes it’s best to put me in the corner.

And that’s just the reality of living in a society where 99% of the homes are inaccessible to you. But you still have family, you still have people you wanna spend time with especially unimportant dates, like today was for me. So you allow yourself to be put into the corner to be out of everyone else’s way.

To be fair to them, it was the best place to put me to give me the best view of the room. But it did feel very very much like I’d be in the way if I was anywhere anywhere else. So is it really a choice then, if I feel like like I have no other options?

At least I got to be involved. At least I can get in the house at all. At least I was some consideration when they were looking for a home. Even though I do have to go up and down a very dodgy and frankly scary ramp to get in and out. At least I have some access which is better than none.

I worry that I’m never going to feel as if I belong anywhere. Even in my own home but especially in society as a whole. And being in someone else’s house is just a reminder of that.

I know it’s wrong for me to make their home all about me. But I also feel like I have to think about about me because someone has to think about me and the rest of society has failed to do that. But can I judge the people I care about about, the individuals themselves for the home they choose, when the majority of homes are inaccessible to me to begin with.

The answer is it would not be fair to. And yet I wish I could, I wish it would be fair of me to blame someone sometimes for how inaccessible the world is to me. Not just be mad at the somehow non-existent yet also everywhere “society” that is to blame. People caused the ableism I am forced to live with, and yet in most situations I can not be mad at people for it. I know why but at the same times, it makes absolutely no sense.

But at least I can get in the home of the people who I care about. Despite my the fears and difficulties and only being able to get in one room. At least I was a thought, right? And something is better than nothing.



Can I live alone?

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

Honesty I don’t know. And that might be a question I have to answer sooner rather than later, given the current situation I find myself in.

There’s lots of factors to be considered here, but with this post I will be focusing on whether I could do so emotionally rather than practically.

I don’t know if I’m more worried to try just because it’s scary to do new things or because I’m scared I won’t be able to do it.

It’s hard sometimes being so physical disabled, being so reliant on others, and being so acutely aware of just how reliant you are. I think the push to possibly living on my own is a reminder of this. And the fact that it’s not exactly on my terms makes it all that little bit more emotionally challenging.

Stopping by

On By Katy DalyIn Disability Pride ♿️Leave a comment

If someone stops by briefly it’s not often me they see. They come and see the person I live with and I don’t expect them to even talk to me.

It takes so long for me to get out of the house and so many people are impatient for me to leave the house, it’s not worth me even trying when they are here quickly.

This means I’m often left out, simply because people don’t want to take the time to include me. If I know in advance I can be more prepared for them to come, but just turning up isn’t helpful if you actually want to see me and aren’t willing to take time.

There’s someone in the house.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

Don’t worry, this someone is expected and they’re only stating the night. But I get a bit uneasy having strangers in the house, even when they’re expected.

I feel like they’re judging me. Testing me on how good I am at being disabled. That’s how I feel when I am out in public. But my home is supposed to be my safe space, it isn’t that when they’re strangers in it.

It’ll be okay, I know it’ll be okay but I don’t have to like it.

This is when I feel antisocial. It’s not that I don’t want to be around people it’s that I don’t want to be around people in my safe space. Logically, I know that it’s okay, that I feel this way, that it makes sense. But it might not make sense in the way that my behaviour plays out as a result.

I didn’t even leave my room when they came. I figured it was better that I stayed out of the way. And maybe deep down, that’s why I don’t like to be around people, because I just don’t want to be in there way.

Maybe this adds to me looking disabled. Disabled people don’t want to be around other people after all. It makes sense that I would fulfil another stereotype, whether I like it or not.

By the time this post is published they’ll have gone. They’ll go and things will go back to normal. And I can be as antisocial as I want in my own home.

I can go back to being as close to being alone as I can be, and try to convince myself I like it better that way. Maybe if I actually keep convincing myself that it will be true one day, and at least that part of my life won’t feel like such a contradiction.

Every Mark

On By Katy DalyIn BlogLeave a comment

I know I’ve posted about this recently, but my sister hit my door in my chair, accidentally of course, and so it’s on my mind again.

When my walls or doors get marked, there’s nothing I can do about it. Shoddy cheap council paintwork means they get marked very easily.

My house looks horrible and there’s nothing I can do about it.

I can’t repaint, because I would need to pay someone to do it for me and I don’t have the money to do that.

I will never be able to live in any kind of home that I can be happy with. And every time I mark the wall or door or floor I’m reminded of that.

Being disabled sucks sometimes. Needing the help of others, and not being able to afford to pay for it every time you need it. Is draining.

Pretty isn’t accessible

On By Katy DalyIn BlogLeave a comment

It’s difficult to say whether this is because I’m disabled or because I’m relatively poor. The two are very intertwined for me.

Tonight I had water come through a light at home. It’s been temporarily made safe as an emergency. And while it will be fixed at some point in the future, it will never be made to look as if it didn’t happen. That’s never a priority of the social housing.

Don’t get me wrong I understand why, of course. But just because you understand why something is the way it is, doesn’t mean that you have to like it that way. And because finding income is shall we say more complex for me, in no small part because of my disability, there’s nothing I can do about it off my own back.

I’m stuck with the minimum. Not to sound ungrateful, but the minimum gets tiring.

At least I have four walls, heating, electricity and food. And most importantly my babies are safe, and as well looked after as I can make them. I know I need to be grateful. But watching everyone else have the house they dream of, have a house they feel like is there’s when I can’t, is just hard.

This isn’t even something I get to discover.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability Truth, My WritingLeave a comment

How much would you pay to go to the moon?

I wouldn’t pay any amount of money, as I don’t think I really want to go to the moon.

I say think as I’m honestly not 100% sure. When you’re disabled and you’re asked about a question massively impacted by your disability it can be hard to answer the question honestly. I think sometimes my brain tells me that I don’t want to do some of the things I can’t do for my own sake. As wanting things I can never have all of the time is emotionally difficult to deal with.

But, like I said whether I want it or not, this type of question isn’t even something I get to really think about. I’m to busy thinking about getting the difficult things in life to even consider somewhere else entirely.

I don’t want the money to go to the moon. I want the money to have a home that’s accessible to me. I want the money to not have to worry about bills. I want a solid income to live a comfortable life. The same as most of us out there. I don’t really want the money to go to the moon.

Additionally this planet isn’t accessible to me, why would the moon be?

This is somewhat relevant

On By Katy DalyIn Writing Prompts2 Comments

What makes a good neighbor?

I am having an issue with my neighbours and my garden. There is a scheme in my area where my local housing authority will sort it out. But I’m still waiting to hear back from them to do that and some of my neighbours are staring to complain.

The thing about being disabled is I don’t get to pick where I live. I didn’t get to pick a house with a garden, and yet I still have to look after this garden. And I will contribute as is required to be on the scheme, even though I don’t think I should have to.

But the point is I can’t currently get on the scheme as they aren’t letting people on it right now. So I cannot fix the problem, and I feel bad about it.

But I don’t think I’m a bad neighbour, because I want to be a good neighbour. But maybe my actions make me a bad neighbour.

Dear neighbours, I’m sorry.