Tag: Friends

Sometimes disabled people need to travel together.

On By Katy DalyIn BlogLeave a comment

But unfortunately, public transport is rarely built for us to do this. And neither our taxis, in reality.

The truth is society doesn’t really seem to want disabled people to travel anywhere, never mind together. but sometimes we’ve got to do what we’ve go to do just like everybody else sometimes travelling with the disabled people.

It’s funny, in that way that’s not funny, that I’m here justifying travelling as a necessity, because doing any thing for fun is just unthinkable as a disabled person.

But public transport really needs to be accommodating of more than one visibly disabled person at a time. Can you image if it only accommodated one (visibly) non-disabled person at a time? Society would all be mad and be saying it’s a waste of money, but when it’s disabled people it’s justifiable.

To make matters worse society often pushes disabled people together, especially when we’re young, they believe we should all be friends. And maybe that’s because they don’t want us to be friend with non-disabled people, but they don’t want to feel guilty for us having no friends.

I don’t know if this is true, but it is something I’ve always believed. I’ve definitely had non-disabled people introduce me to disabled people with the assumption that we’re going to be friends just because we’re both disabled.

And then they create a society that’s not designed to have us in it together. Which honestly makes no sense.

Two wheelchair users, one bus.

On By Katy DalyIn BlogLeave a comment

It always surprises me, but it probably shouldn’t anymore, that public transport is generally only designed for one person in a wheelchair to use at a time. We don’t in fact all know each other and coordinate when we need to do things together, contrary to popular belief.

As I write this I’m on a bus on the way to pick up some medication for a family member, I like to be useful and it’s not often I can do that without actually being in the way, but today happens to be one of those days.

There was someone else that wanted to get on the bus in a wheelchair, but they couldn’t because I’m already on it. I feel bad as if somewhere it’s my fault, even though logically I know that it isn’t because I didn’t design the buses. But can you imagine if the roles were reversed?

If public transport was only designed to take one non- disabled person at a time? How annoyed would they be at having to wait for a bus with a space on all the time?

But it doesn’t matter that disabled people have to wait. It doesn’t matter that wheelchair users can never go out with other friends in wheelchairs when they need to use public transport. We almost always have to meet them at the place we’re going. We don’t get the full experince.

This is made even worse when you realise that society actually pushes disabled people together. They think it would be easier for us all to be friends at a young age, because no one who isn’t disabled should have to be friends with someone who is. But then don’t create a society where you’re actually able to do things as friends. It’s just weird to me.

If you say it, you should mean it.

On By Katy DalyIn Blog6 Comments

So floating around on the disability areas of social media today has been a question to the effect of “What is your worst experience of exclusion?”, so I figured for todays post I will answer that again here.

For me my worst experiences of exclusion are failed promises of inclusion. Now I know sometimes this can be more difficult to accomplish, but more than once it’s been easier and they’ve still failed. The part you have to really understand is whether I should or not, I don’t expect to be included in things. The truth is, exclusion is and probably always will be, my norm. I don’t expect an invite to the party. So why dangle the invite in front of me, if you have no intention of putting the work in?

Seriously, why are you doing that to me? To anyone?

If you genionely want to put in the work to include someone with a disability in something, then put in the work. I really don’t think this is to much to ask. And if it genuinely falls through, after you tried, then tell us. Don’t just ignore us, and think we forgot.

From experience, when you’re not used to the invite and you finally get it, it’s not something you’re going to forget. In fact you are probably going to hold on to it more than others, you will not forget. I certainly did not. I really looked forward to going to this party, and they said they’d find a way for me to be included, and then they just didn’t. I don’t even know if the party happened, I presuming that it did, because why wouldn’t it? But the basically just cut me off and stopped mentioning it. I honestly don’t know why.

Just tell disabled people the truth. We deserve that at least.

So go on then, if you find yourself reading this and you feel like answering – What is your worst experience of exclusion?”

A fun day out.

On By Katy DalyIn Blog, My Disability Truth1 Comment

So I’ve recently attended a friend’s birthday meet up. I get invited yearly, but usually can’t go, this year I’m was very happy to be free. And I have to say what a relief it was that they are also a wheelchair user.

I know it’s a horrible stereotype that disabled people should only have disabled friends. But it just makes things so much easier. I know that when we do things together it’s going to be accessible.

I wasn’t worried in the slightest about how accessible the day would be. I even went happily to somewhere I had never been before, something I wouldn’t normally do. If I was going somewhere completely new I would do a trial run of the area to figure out both how to get there and how accessible it is. But I didn’t need to do that here, and that was such a relief.

They even agreed to meet a few of us on the way to the place somewhere that we knew, including myself, to go to the place together. How nice was that?!

I spent a day not feeling disabled, not worrying about needing help. I was still slightly insecure over my incontinence issues, but as I got more comfortable in the day it was easier to deal with. But overall it was such a fun day, I was so comfortable and just got to be me. This doesn’t happen often.

This is why it’s easier to be around other disabled people, around other people that understand what it’s like to be you. It’s so nice.

Other people need to learn to be more inclusive and society needs to be more accessible in order to change this in anyway. Having fun shouldn’t be stressful, and for once it wasn’t.

When you think someone should get it and they don’t

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

I’m incontinent,

If I had to pick a part of my disability that makes me the most uncomfortable, I would say this is it. So for that reason I try to be as open as possible about it, to not let it win.

Now having grown up disabled, this lovely part of our soecity called exclusion, pushes me to be in the same circles as many other disabled people. A lot of people think that this is actually inclusion, but from experience they don’t actually care what disabled children have in common, the fact there disabled is enough. And pushing is together is easier than creating more accessible inclusive spaces where we just get to be, but now I’m getting a little disstracted here.

As a result of this exclusion, I happen to know a lot of disabled people, simply because they are disabled. Now while this can sometimes be useful, as we have a lot of shared experiences, not everything about us or what we believe is the same, simply because we are disabled. So this can make for some interesting friendships to say to least.

Some of these friends are also incontinent, and this is something that I personally am thankful for that we have in common, due to how I still emotionally struggle with my incontience. Anyway, I was with one of my friends the other day, who pointed out that as a result of incontinece there was a certain smell in the area. Now where she this could have come from many people, but I’m pretty sure it was me. Lets just say she wasn’t very nice about it,

I hope the way I’ve explained this makes sense as I’m still pretty upset by it so I may have been vague, let me know if it doesn’t.

What I don’t understand is no matter who was responsible for the smell, why they had to make a big deal about it.

It’s not like anyone is incontinent by choice, or making a smell by choice, and it could just so easily be them. I think that’s the part that really gets me, I’ve known it to be them before and I have never said anything. Normally I don’t care about things like this, but given who they are and the specifics of the issue, there reaction is really bothering me.

I guess just because you have a certain issue, doesn’t mean you will have respect and understanding for people who also have that issue.

Feeling like the odd one out when you’re not.

On By Katy DalyIn BlogLeave a comment

So today I spent the day with people who also have disabilities. In many way this is emotionally easier for me to deal with, but it doesn’t mean the physical difficulties of my disability are immediately negated.

They wanted to go somewhere that was inaccessible to me, and despite being a little upset about this, I wasn’t about to say no to them, doing what they wanted to. Though they did ask my opinion on going where they want to, but I felt like I couldn’t voice my true upset with it all.

It may seem sound self centred but I would think that they would get it, and suggest going to a place that I can’t get into. Specifically because they themselves are disabled and they have been in similar situations themselves. Bearing in mind they did know in advance, that I would not be able to go in the place before they decided to go. But it was important to them and I’m not about to stop them as I’ve said.

It’s not that I want a day to revolve around me, may have suggested hearing the situation. it is just that I would like a day to completely be accessible to me.

But unfortunately, in such an accessible world, being with other disabled people does not guarantee accessibility to the world around you. And that is just a reality that you have to learn to live with.

Disclaimer: This person is written using speech to text, let me know if any of it does not makesense.

I am an adult.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

As I write this I am at my friend’s. It is about 9pm, and my dad just called me to tell me they think I should go home. He says that it’s other people he’s worried about and not me and my ability, but it honestly doesn’t feel that way.

When I was out the other night with my sister he didn’t have this problem, and I was out a lot later. But then I wasn’t alone, so someone he views as more responsible was there.

I know he worries. But I honestly don’t think this is fair anymore.

I’m an adult. I am not less of an adult because I’m disabled. His worry for me is actually ableism.

Don’t worry I will get myself home.

Pretty dull.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability Truth, Writing PromptsLeave a comment

Your life without a computer: what does it look like?

I know computers, the internet and social media can often get a bad reputation, mainly due to bullying. But in all honesty, for a long time, social media was how I accessed the world around me. For all the bad I struggle to see how computers can be anything more than a positive.

I’m fortunate both in my ability and living where I live, that I now have much more of an active in-person social life, than I did when I was younger. However, there were many ways to make friends online.

So to be honest to put it bluntly, my life without computers, looks boring and isolating.