I have heard it said, or rather read it written I suppose that disability is the only minority that you can become a part of at any time. But don’t ask me who said it, because honestly, I don’t remember. To this I like to add the idea that you are lucky if you become disabled simply by old age. But please do not quote me as being the one who said it, as to be honest it could have been part of the original saying all along. But anyway the specifics of the saying are not really important, what the saying means is what matters.

What it means is essentially disability can happen to us all. And while I have seen many write and speak about what it is like for them to become disabled. I have yet to see anyone discuss what it is like to be a disabled person watching the rest of there family become disabled.

Now disability is not a new concept within my family, this is obvious when you consider the fact that I am a full-time wheelchair user, and not the only one in my family who was born with a disability. But as certain members of my family age they too have become disabled in various ways, nothing life threatening but certain debilitating.

I exist as an individual whose disability is part of their culture, it is part of who I am. And if I am being truthful this makes watching family members become disabled come with complex emotions. Now I understand that watching anyone you care about struggle is difficult, but I think my disability and more specifically my social understanding of my disability puts me in a situation that is particularly difficult.

I live as part of a minority that some now feel they belong to, but I don’t feel they have earnt that right. Particularly as they tend to express that they are disabled in a jokey way, which I honestly find disrespectful sometimes. They have also heavily implied that the treatment they experience is the same as what I experience, and in all honesty, I have to disagree. Particularly with older family members. It is a societal accepted normal for the older people in society to become disabled, we simply refer to it as old age, rather than disability. Therefore, they are not excluded from society socially, the same way those that have been disabled for all or a significant portion of their life are.

I am not saying they don’t experience ableism or are not disabled, simply that there experiences of ableism and disability are more different from mine than they may appear. They do not often seem to recognise this, and therefore I am in a position where I feel I have to pretend that I do not either.

I almost feel as if when they make their little digs and references, they are appropriating my culture. But as they are disabled themselves now, I obviously do not have an argument here. It’s just hard to watch the people who laughed at my struggles, so easily accept the similar yet different struggles of themselves and other family members.

I guess this is the price you pay when your disability is part of what makes you feel unique in the world. When those around you become disabled to, the inadvertently take that uniqueness from you.

If you are reading this as a disabled person or person that has recently become disabled, I hope you understand what I am trying to say here. I am not trying to gatekeep being disabled, it’s just difficult for me. I sincerely hope that this post does not upset anyone.