Just to put this somewhere. I’m getting pretty good at this already.
Ive been sorting out the animals myself in the morning. To have them all done by 10am is a massive improvement.
Tag: Dogs
My dog.
I haven’t decided yet whether I’ll post this one do you know or it’ll stay in my drafts. I guess if you’re reading this I’ve made my decision.
I love my dogs. I love dogs in general. But as I’m sure every dog parent will tell you, and they would be right, my dogs are special. But the thing is I can’t do everything that my doggy needs me to do for them because of my disability, and sometimes I feel guilty. Guilty that I can’t be the parent they deserve.
But the thing about dogs is they love you anyway, you do the best for them and that’s always enough for them.
Thank you girls. For making me a mum. For making me enough. I love you.
Living alone.
So first I want to apologies for my absence. It feels weird to continue life after losing someone close but life continues to go on whether you like it or not, so I’m trying to get back into this.
So the person who I live with is pregnant, and they are looking at moving out. So that leaves me at least eventually when they can find somewhere to live, living alone. And while there is no time scale on when this will happen, I’m still trying to plan for when it will happen. For whatever living independently is going to look like for me.
But living independently for me also means living with a dog, I can’t imagine my life without my babies. But one of my carers is very concerned about my ability to manage and in all honesty it’s getting on my nerves now. I’ve not even started trying and she’s already expecting me to fail because I’m disabled, I just don’t think that’s fair.
Sure it’ll take some working out, but I can do this. And I’ve got time to work it out. The only problem I can see is that she sometimes goes to the bathroom in the kitchen in the night. This is something I can clean up once I’m up, but obviously I won’t be up until the first time the cares have been in the morning. And if it really bothers them they can get stuff ready including water the night before, the bathroom is through the kitchen, so they won’t have to go through the kitchen until I’ve had the chance to clean everything.
I literally cannot think of another issue with having her that I can’t solve.
Any anything that might be a little more difficult is just worth it to have her, to live with her, to have my baby.
I deserve comfort and love. And a chance to live my own version of independence and for me that includes living with a dog. I don’t think that’s unfair, even if she sometimes goes in the house. It’s not like I have no way of cleaning it at all or I’m asking them to do it.
Anyway I have time to sort this. I just wish people would leave me to my business, and at least let me try before they’ve decided I’ve failed.
There’s a lot of change in my life lately, none of which I have been able to have a say in. And it’s very annoying to have people judge how I’m dealing with it all, when I’m just trying to do my best.
This is difficult to answer right now.
Describe your ideal week.
I would love just to go to spa, to be somewhere warm with good food and lots of dogs. Somewhere I could be completely alone and independent, and at least right now, somewhere I wasn’t disabled.
This is what makes the question so hard for me to answer right now because not only is it reliant on lots of things being different than they currently are. It’s reliant on fundamentally not being me, at least right now.
This is how living with a disability works and disability pride works. it’s not linear. Pride is not linear.
Sometimes it’s really difficult to be happy with who I am and the life I have to lead. And that makes it very difficult to picture my ideal anything, when it all seems really far away from me.
I think my ideal week would just be me being happy, comfortable, not in pain and independent.
Sometimes you have to compromise
It is the norm that many of the places in society are inaccessible to me, that is the result of systemic ableism. Both societies view of disability when they build buildings and business owners view when they find places for their businesses. It’s just life for me, and many others, unfortunately.
As I rule I try not to go to inaccessible businesses. This is both because of the obvious reality that the businesses simply aren’t accessible to me, but also because I do not want to fund businesses that are inaccessible. I firmly believe that those with inaccessible businesses make the decision to have an inaccessible business. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, sometimes they just haven’t thought. But I still hold them responsible for that, hence why I try not to fund them.
But sometimes needs must.
And while it annoys me, I’ve spent so long looking and trying different dog groomers, for some reason they never stick. I can say the same about cleaners, but that’s a different story. I got tired of paying the extra money for a groomer with a van to come to my home once, then to be let down when I need them to come again. I care to much about my babies to let them suffer because of my disability, and this groomer is a very good distance from my home.
So the fact I can’t actually get in, seems like a very small problem, given they were also willing to work with me. While the fact I have to compromise and be served from the street irritates me. Sometimes you just need to do what you need to do to get the service you need.
She does look lovely, and it’s Immy’s turn on Monday, and all being well I will stick with them. I can make it work, it just really annoys me that I have to be the one to make it work. It’s always me compromising.
To business owners out there who may stumble across my post, make the right choices and use accessible premises. It’s the right thing to do.
Sometimes you’ve got to laugh.
Problems you only have when both you and your dog are incontinent, I couldn’t work out which one of us had wet the bed.
Sometimes you have to laugh at a situation. Even though I’m going to be stuck in this wet bed until the morning. She’s my baby girl and I wouldn’t change her for the world.
I can’t get changed.
So I got very wet from the rain walking the dogs this morning, and as I am unable to change I’ve spent the day very damp. Now that I’m on my way home, I’m starting to dry off a little.
In case this wasn’t clear, once I’m dressed in the morning I generally cannot get changed until the evening. There have been occasions where I have been able to get changed throughout the day, but as I have gotten older and changing has become more difficult these instances have become few and far between.
This is somewhat of a personal choice I suppose. I could have another call in the middle of the day, but this would limit what I would be able to do with my day, and I don’t want to do that. Either way I wouldn’t just be able to call carers back when I needed it, so hanging around for them in the day just doesn’t make sense to me.
So my freedom comes at the price of my comfort, and on most days like today, once I’m wet I stay wet. But hey, at least it isn’t pee. That my friends is what we call an incontinence joke.
But now I’m cold, like to the bone cold if you know that feeling. I’m very glad my day is nearly over.
All this is to say, as I loose the energy needed to write this post. If you see someone with spilt food on there clothes, which yes I also did today. Or wet clothes. Or just something that can’t easily be fixed within five seconds, just stay quiet about it. They may be aware and may not be able to fix the problem themselves. You hilighting it only brings more shame. Additionally wait another 10 if its raining a lot when its time to walk the dogs.
When you’re not the one fixing the problem you don’t get to decide how the problem is fixed.
So my little girl was at the vet today. That went about as well as can be expected.
But the person I live with left the medication she was given in the car of the person who took them to and from the vet. As I’m in bed I can’t go and collect it, and they do not want to do so until the morning.
This massively frustrates me as I want to check the medication now, but as I know it doesn’t logically matter I haven’t said anything to them. I know they would go if I asked them to, but I don’t want to be the one to do that. It doesn’t seem fair to make them do something that isn’t that important just because I can’t do it myself.
But if it were up to me I would go and get the medication now. And I think what’s really bothering me is less the problem but more that I cannot fix it the way that I want to.
I can’t help thinking that if I wasn’t disabled I would be able to solve the problem myself. Even more I would have been able to take her to the vet myself, and I wouldn’t have lost the medication so there wouldn’t be a problem to solve. I think this is tired to how useful I feel as a parent to my pets, if I wasn’t disabled I could just be more use to them, show them my love better.
I know logically this isn’t true. And that this isn’t a really big problem, but it’s the little problems that seem to upset me the most.
I just have to keep reminding myself that tomorrow it won’t be a problem anymore.
The purple heart.
What are your favorite emojis?
This one: 💜
That’s because purple is my favourite colour. But there are some other emojis that I really love.
There’s this one: 🩶 the grey heart.
There are two reasons I love the grey heart. The first is because my cat Ellis is grey, so I often use this emoji when posting about them. The second is because it means I can post all the colours of the Asexual Flag in emoji heart form: 💜🤍🩶🖤. That’s the purple heart, followed by the white heart, followed by the grey heart, followed by the black heart.
I feel like here I need to take a second to inform you that for my dogs Bella and Immy I also use coloured hearts. For Bella I use the brown heart: 🤎, and for Immy I use the yellow heart: 💛. And now just because I have an excuse to, I’m going to include a picture of all three of my furbabies below.
So back to emojis. Obviously as an aminal lover I love the dog and cat emojis: 🐕 🐶🐈🐈⬛️😺. I particularly the black cat emoji and the panting dog emoji: 🐈⬛️🐶, as I think they are similar to Ellis and Bella. Then we can’t forget the paw print emoji: 🐾, which is just so cute.
Then I’ve got to say that I love the wheelchair emojis:👩🦼👩🦽🦼🦽👨🦽👨🦼. I love that there are different types of wheelchairs included in these emojis, and this one: 👩🦼, is similar to my wheelchair, which makes me even happier.
I also have a family member who cannot read or write, but who uses the colour of emojis as one of there ways to communicate. Which is really nice.
I think emojis are both a great tool for accessibility as well as just being a bit of fun. It’s nice they can tick both boxes.
Choices.
Or lack there of.
When I need help to do something that I don’t have any control with when and sometimes how it will be done.
I like to walk the dogs first thing in the morning, simply to get it done. But if the person I live with disagrees, like they did this morning, I have to wait for them to want to do it.
I loose the argument of when things get done when I need to help to do them. And today is just one example of many.
Sometimes it really gets to me, the simple fact that often I can’t just do what I want when I want. The fundamental lack of control is something I don’t think you can really understand the impact of unless you experience it.
My Inaccessible Life 