Tag: Disabled People

Why do other people get a say in my life?

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

My life is a job for other people, and I understand I’m struggling with the reality of that right now.

I’m tired of other people thinking they get to judge how I live. But unfortunately, they do. That’s what happens when you need help. People get a saying in your life places they shouldn’t get. It’s not fair.

I really don’t want to deal with this. part of me attempted just to not answer the phone when it rings next. So that maybe I never have to deal with this.

I really wish people making these decisions, the people judging my life, understood what it felt like to have a random strangers do that to them.

This is making me not want to do anything, to never leave my room. But I still have things to do, because whether they like it or not, I still have a life.

I’m so tired of this. I’m tired of being disabled. Tired of being judged for being disabled. I’m just tired.

Leave me alone.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

I feel like social services are trying to make me choose between something I really do not want, but I need. And something they think I don’t need but absolutely want.

No one tells you about the times you know what you want, but you can’t do it. I guess that’s not a reality many people understand.

It’s not even a choice.

They get a window into my life, that everyone else gets to keep closed. And they’re using it to judge me.

I don’t like it. I just want them to leave me alone.

I can’t do this again.

Today was odd.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

In some ways it was fun. I got to watch the new Doctor Who which was so great.

But I also feel a little guilty for today. I was supposed to go and see someone who said I didn’t have to go because it was really hot here. Even though they are the one who said it was okay I still feel guilty for not going. I just really didn’t want to go out today, and it wasn’t completely about the heat though that was part of it.

Sometimes I find it very difficult to leave the house, emotionally. I just really do not want to, and get tired of forcing myself to.

I feel like the house won today, and the relief I felt about not having to go out, also came with guilt. I feel like I should have wanted to go and see them, but I just didn’t.

Anyway, if you saw them, I hope you enjoyed the Nothern Lights, I was asleep. 😂

To good to be true.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

I shouldn’t complain really because thankfully I’ve had help to fix it. But I had to pee on myself today, of all days.

I don’t think I can explain how much this artist means to me. How much it means for me to able to see them.

They were the exception that proved the rule. They were the ones I was willing to suffer in an inaccessible world just to be able to see.

Your music is life.

Thank you.

If I tell you I’m not bothered by you doing something without me, I’m probably lying.

On By Katy DalyIn BlogLeave a comment

This time I definitely am. But telling the truth about this just seems selfish so I won’t.

It hurts honestly, when those close to me do things without considering me, even when I say it’s okay. I feel like I’m being left out, and sometimes that just really gets to me.

I know that living my life as a disabled person there is always going to be things I can’t do, there is always going to be things that aren’t accessible to me. If there wasn’t I wouldn’t be disabled. And part of me really wants to tell people that if I can’t do something they shouldn’t be doing it. But I understand how completely selfish that is so of course I wouldn’t do it. Of course I wouldn’t say I don’t want you to do that because I can’t. Why would I do that? But the truth is I really don’t want you to do some things because I can’t do it.

It makes me angry and upset, and quiet. I’m not really sure what more to say about this situation. I’m sorry that I’ve not said more. But I think I’m still angry, whether at myself or them I’m honestly not sure. I want to say I’ll write more later, but if you’ve read this blog for a while you know I would probably forget.

I’m also not having a shower tonight, and if I’m honest the definite reason behind that is because I do not want to get more in there way. I do not want to take time away from them having fun by showing, because that honestly just doesn’t seem fair to me.

Honestly at the minute when I write on this blog.

On By Katy DalyIn Asexual Awareness Week 2023 🖤🩶🤍💜, My Disability TruthLeave a comment

When do you feel most productive?

I don’t know if that’s sad or not.

But it really does feel like this blog is the only thing I can do for myself right now. That might sound a little buzzard, but I think it’s the fact that I get to fully control what’s on this blog. There’s not many things I get full control of in my life. So I hold on to what I have.

I am aware that I’ve said similar things on this blog before, but at least you know I’m telling the truth.

Concert day anxiety.

On By Katy DalyIn BlogLeave a comment

Last night I slept for 12 hours so I feel ready for the concert I’ve got this evening. But knowing my luck I’ll be tired by the time actually comes around. Sometimes my own body doesn’t want to make fun accessible to me.

Though my body is not my biggest concern on a concert day. I feel better once I’m in the building and I know no one is going to try to make me leave. It’ll be worth it I know it will be, but there’s a lot of anxiety involved in going to a concert for me.

I really want to see that it baffles me that society hasn’t thought of the need to make concerts accessible to disabled people. But in order to say that I would have to be naive and forget that he just doesn’t care about disabled people. We’re not allowed to have fun.

I really just wish having fun was more accessible, it’s always so complicated, and has so many moving parts. So many that I find myself unable to deal with them and leave sorting the accessible to the person that goes with me. I just got too angry to see it with a clear head. I can’t get past the fact that it shouldn’t be this complicated to go to concerts if you are in a wheelchair. That when the venue itself is accessible, there’s no need to make it as hard as many venues do.

That said, I hope this will be a fun experience. And I actually get to meet the artist (hopefully), which makes it even better. When I say hopefully I do have a ticket to meet the artist, but whether they will actually let me do that is another question. I’ve never done this before so I’m slightly nervous that my disability might make this complicated as well. Or I should say that the venue will use my disability to make this more complicated. But I hope it will go well.

The reality is I don’t know how this will go until I am there. So I will just have to wait and see. And try to focus on the best part of all of this, the music.

I love music. It is a tool that makes me feel part of society, mostly. I feel the same as the others who listen to it. It’s only when I go to concerts that things can get complicated. But music itself is the least complicated way for me to be part of society.

Heat.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability Truth, Writing Prompts3 Comments

How do you unwind after a demanding day?

I’m that person that has my electric blanket on every day of the year. i’m not kidding on average I have to buy a new blanket twice a year and they eventually break on me, no doubt because of how much I use them.

I once gave myself the temperature because I have my electric blanket on during the hottest day of the year.

I will put my fan on with my electric blanket on before I will turn the blanket off. Heat is my best friend. And with chronic pain you have to do what works.

So when I come home from a busy day, or sometimes just relax from a busy day at home. The first thing I usually do is get under my electric blanket.

I’ve even been looking  for usb powered electric blankets, so that I would be able to use them out of the house. Though I haven’t been able to find them that works properly yet, despite trying a few different opinions. If anyone has any ideas can they let me know please.

It’s a big part of my life.

On By Katy DalyIn Blog, Writing PromptsLeave a comment

How do you use social media?

Many people criticise social media but I believe the criticism is firmly how some people use it, as apples to the fact it exists as at all.

I believe this because social media is a big part of how I access the world. It’s how I not only keep in contact with the people I know, but more generally the world around me.

For me social media is completely accessible, most of the time, and I recognise what a privileged position that puts me in. It means I am able to access the world of social media as if I were not disabled. Maybe that’s why I love it so much, because for me there are no barriers that exist in the real world.

So if you have a bad experience on social media, remember not to judge the platform but the individual people that were rude or mean to you. The platform can do so much good. And my blaming the platform for the actions of people you take the responsibility from people for there actions.

My chair died.

On By Katy DalyIn BlogLeave a comment

The problem with relying on people and technology is things can simple go wrong and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Yesterday my wheelchair died when I was miles away from home. It died because it hadn’t been plugged in the night before. Even though I am not the person that plugs it in at night, this is of course my fault because I should have checked they had done it. It’s just one of those things that usually gets done correctly and so I forget that I should check on it. To be fair they had plugged it in just not switched it on at the wall.

Either way it didn’t charge and I was stuck. Which I am actually somewhat relieved about because yesterday I wasn’t sure if my chair was broken and that’s why I was stuck. It having no battery is an easy problem to deal with.

The only way for me to get home then was paying £145 in a taxi. As when my chair has no power everything that was previously accessible to me, like trains, my planned way to get home, becomes inaccessible. And because I can’t just get into any vehicle, no one could come and pick me up, so a taxi was the only option.

Now taxis have to be up there with the least accessible mode of transport for me, alongside other cars. While it is possible to find accessible taxis, like I did yesterday. This can be very difficult to do.

Many taxis say they’re wheelchair accessible but will only take people who can get out of there wheelchair and fold it into the boot. I cannot do this. So for me this is not a wheelchair accessible taxis. I have even had taxis come and then refuse me, despite specifying before hand that I wouldn’t be able to do this. But you know how people love to blame you when they don’t listen.

Accessibly means different things to different people and companies.

Emergencies happen, things go wrong and get forgotten. But when they go wrong with my chair it’s honestly terrifying.