Tag: CP Tired

I crashed

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability Truth1 Comment

If you pay that much attention to this blog and what I write, you may notice that occasionally backdate posts. Who says I don’t get to play a little bit with time.

I had to do it with it my last post, because I’ve just slept almost 12 hours, apart from being awake briefly when my carers came. This occasionally happens to me, and is more likely to happen when I haven’t been sleeping properly. It’s like my body needs to shut down physically for a while.

This time I was woken up by a not nice dream that I’m trying not to remember.

Occasionally I wake up well rested from these crashes. This is not one of those times. I feel a lot less fatigued but I still feel tired, like I could still do with a nap. But I always feel that way.

This time I’ve also woken up cold and uncomfortable. But there isn’t a lot I’m able to do about it. I kind of wish I was still asleep.

It’s a lie that you ever get used to the pain. I think sometimes you just forget it’s there. But sometimes it feels different, as I write this my arms are aching. And while it doesn’t hurt more, different pain throws you more than the pain that happens all the time.

But the electric blanket is helping. And I’ll be getting up in about half an hour, and getting on with my day. I hope you’re able to get on with yours and that you have a good one.

I went for a nap.

On By Katy DalyIn Blog, Writing Prompts2 Comments

What was the last thing you did for play or fun?

It might sound boring to you, but as someone with fatigue, I love a good restful nap.

Unfortunately, I don’t wake up from all of the naps I take feeling well rested, but the ones I do are the best. Even though a few hours later I know the fatigue will kick back in again. The short time I have the energy to do more than just about function is nice.

This is your reminder to not let anyone tell you what counts as fun. And to nap whenever you can.

I fell asleep mid-writing.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

The frustrating thing about fatigue is the way it seems to hit me out of nowhere. Sure I was tired yesterday, but that’s not unusual because I’m always tired. I’ve said it before I’m pretty sure I was born tired.

But the fatigue is like my tiredness ratchets up by 10 extremely suddenly. Any plans I had to do anything go out of the window.

Hopefully I will get the post I wanted to do last night finished today, but as always I make no promises. And right now I’m going back to sleep.

I’m tired.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

There was yet again, many things I wanted to post about today. But fatigue decided to beat me as it often does.

I know that I shared on hear a post recently to be honest with you I think it was yesterday, but I’m not sure about accessibility in Doctor Who. and the one thing I can bring myself to write about right now, is that again.

I think it shocked me how much I’ve had to fight people on this ramp being needed in the Tardis. The excuse for why it’s not as probably an unusual one. they say that given the tardis is always adapting, it should be able to adapt not to need a ramp. they’re overlooking the symbolisation of having the ramp present, whether it technically would be needed or not. And just so you know it is needed.

That’s all I can really say on this one. I apologies for the sporadic nature of this post, but I need to go back to bed.

Overheating and pain.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

As I write this I can feel the fatigue creeping in. I’ll be awake for minutes if that, though I’m not sure how long I’ll stay asleep for.

I have a heated blanket, it’s my favourite painkiller. Buy I am starting to overheat from having it on.

Sometimes it feels like I just can’t win.

I hope you get some rest wherever you are.

Given the fact I just woke up, what do you think?

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability Truth, Writing PromptsLeave a comment

Are you more of a night or morning person?

After a fun, busy, but very cold day, I got home and took a nap. At the time of writing this, I’ve not been awake long. I was awake briefly for my care call, but I went almost straight back to sleep, so I don’t tend to count that.

I will probably be awake for several hours, which will annoying leave me feeling tired tomorrow, despite having slept fairly well.

Now last night I last quite well, so despite going out for a few hours, shouldn’t have been as tired as I was. But that’s fatigue for you. You don’t get to choose when you’re tired, it has almost no relation to whether you have slept or not.

It might be worth remembering that I’m always a little tired, I often say to people I was born tired. Occasionally I am so tired that I’m not able to function without a nap which usually lasts a few hours first. That was the position I found myself in tonight.

This is my best guess at what fatigue is for me, I refer to this as CP Tired, as I know this is tiredness that for me comes from my Cerebral Pasly. But as I’ve suffered from both Cerebral Pasly and this tiredness my whole life, there’s nothing I can pinpoint as a change and a distinctive development of fatigue. It’s just the way my life has always been, and will always be.

So I find this question hard to answer, given the fact I’m always tired in some way. I do have an early care call in the morning, but that is so I can be up and have the most choice and control over what I do with my day. It’s not actually because I like to be up early in the morning. I often end up going back to sleep for a few hours in my chair, depending on my plans for the day.

Based on what I’ve told you, I think I’m going to leave you to determine the answer to this one for me.

Do you think I’m more of a morning or a nice person?

The truth is I honestly don’t know.

More than I should.

On By Katy DalyIn Writing PromptsLeave a comment

What part of your routine do you always try to skip if you can?

Do I even have a routine?

I’m honestly not sure. I like to say I’m organised but I honestly feel like I’m pretending all of the time and I’m not actually that organised.

I would honestly skip anything that requires physical effort, which is pretty much anything when you think about it. That’s the joys of fatigue for you. I’m always tired.

But I try to do as much as I can on the important days, and to be honest I think that’s enough.

Like most things it’s only when I see how well other people can function over me, that I think the way that I function is not enough. But logically I know that means I just need to stop being bothered by what other people do and what they think about what I do.

What is a lazy day

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

Do lazy days make you feel rested or unproductive?

I’m writing this post at 6am and the reason I’m awake at 6am is because I fell asleep early. I fell asleep early, after sleeping a lot of the day. Thank you fatigue. But I guess I can’t exactly say it’s a lazy day because I did actually get everything done that I needed to do.

So a day that’s spent sleeping a lot can actually be quite a productive day for me at least. Though I usually do have to deal with my sleeping pattern being worse, but there are negatives to everything. Sleeping is often viewed as the ultimate expression of laziness, so I’m guessing from an outside perspective a day I spent sleeping is what you may view as a lazy day.

But the question is do I think a day where I’ve spent sleeping a lot is a day where I’ve been lazy? And the answer is no.

Maybe this is because I’m disabled, maybe it’s because I have to listen to my body more as a disabled person. Maybe it’s because I simply love a good nap. But I don’t think spending the day sleeping is being lazy or being unproductive, it’s doing what I need to do.

Now I do think laziness exists, or more accurately at least I can be lazy. To me laziness is when I have the full mental and physical energy, the spoons, to do something and I just can’t be bothered to do it. Not to be confused with when I don’t want to do something because I don’t have the spoons to do something.

I think a day spent sleeping is a good day. But this is only the case when I manage to get the things done that I need to do. As I did yesterday.

You could call this my own internalised ableism, but if I sleep instead of getting things done I do end up feeling guilty about it. But I don’t feel like I need to spend every day doing something to be productive.

So I guess this one is just to say that you should listen to your body, which I know is easier said than done. And do better than me, don’t feel guilty when listening to your body means you’re unable to do something that you were supposed to do.

It is 6am, and just my luck the fatigue is picking up again, when I need to be up in an hour, frustratingly. So I apologies if this post doesn’t make a lot of sense.

I apologies for the mistakes in my last post.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

It has since passed, but as I was writing my previous post I was experiencing a very high level of fatigue. While I am still tired now. I am no where near as tired as I was. I was barely able to keep my eyes open.

I often say that I was born tired. No matter how much I sleep I’m always tired. But occasionally it’s like I can’t move. The fatigue is awful. But luckily for me it passes.

Anyone this is just to say some posts you might have to bear with me. But do let me know if there’s any mistakes that stop it making sense.