Tag: CP Tired

I wish life had a turn off notifications button.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

So I’ve causing a bit of a problem or raising awareness depending on how you look at it, of the wheelchair accessible places on trains. Due to the wonder of the internet, what I have said got a little bit too popular, which means it hit the wrong audience in areas. But when it all got too much, I was easily able to just turn off the notifications for posts, and I’m here to say I love that.

Sometimes when people are being extremely ignorant, wilfully or otherwise. It can be hard not to continue to reply even when you know that you’re not getting through to them. Wilfully ignorant people have to want to learn something new in order for you to get anywhere with them. But this can be hard to remember in practice, especially when the truth is very often don’t want to hear anything other than their own experiences.

So you can end up going round and round in circles very easily. And it can be extremely helpful just to be able to turn the notifications off and have the circle be ended for you. But sometimes I wish possible to do in real life.

It can be hard to let things go even when you know that you definitely should. And I think it would just be nice if someone or something else could do that for you. Not necessarily permanently, but just so you could have a break.

In a world where we carry devices, we can be immediately contacted on with us all the time, I think that a leave me alone future for real life would be extremely helpful.

Maybe I’m the problem though. Maybe I just shouldn’t be drawn into such arguments so easily. But it’s one of the reasons I love social media, I get to argue my argue my points, state publicly whatever I believe is right, and my disability does not get away with me doing this.

Say what you want about social media, but it certainly has its advantages alongside its well known disadvantages. Perhaps so if you’re supposed to have a limited view of the world due to its accessibility.

I haven’t decided yet if I’m going to share more about the accessibility of trains, as has been my focus for the past few days. It’s not that I don’t believe in the importance of what I’m arguing for, I know that I’m right. But I just don’t have the energy to write about it. It really sucks when you never have the energy or motivation to do the things you enjoy, thanks fatigue.

Even when I sleep I’m tired.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

I’m writing this post at 2am the following day. It will be backdated.

I woke up after sleeping for 7 hour, still tired, in a wet bed. Incontinence sucks, let’s just leave it at that.

I’ve slept so much recently and it hasn’t made me any less tired and that just makes me sad. Fatigue is an overlooked problem in society. People thinking being tired isn’t that bad but honestly it’s hard to deal with.

Struggling now as I know I’m not going to be able to shower tomorrow. And I will definitely be tired all day today, even more so because I woke up at 2am.

Functioning on little sleep

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

So this is another backdated post.

Today was very busy with almost no energy. I slept 2 hours not consecutively, then had to get up and go out. I didn’t really stop until I got home about an hour before the carers. I then fell almost straight to sleep and woke up the next morning. Not including briefly being woken up for care which I honestly don’t remember. 

I barely had the energy to function and do what needed to be done, let alone write, hence the backdated post.

I guess my need for sleep finally caught up with me. This happens occasionally. I just wish it actually made me feel like I’d slept.

Concert day anxiety.

On By Katy DalyIn BlogLeave a comment

Last night I slept for 12 hours so I feel ready for the concert I’ve got this evening. But knowing my luck I’ll be tired by the time actually comes around. Sometimes my own body doesn’t want to make fun accessible to me.

Though my body is not my biggest concern on a concert day. I feel better once I’m in the building and I know no one is going to try to make me leave. It’ll be worth it I know it will be, but there’s a lot of anxiety involved in going to a concert for me.

I really want to see that it baffles me that society hasn’t thought of the need to make concerts accessible to disabled people. But in order to say that I would have to be naive and forget that he just doesn’t care about disabled people. We’re not allowed to have fun.

I really just wish having fun was more accessible, it’s always so complicated, and has so many moving parts. So many that I find myself unable to deal with them and leave sorting the accessible to the person that goes with me. I just got too angry to see it with a clear head. I can’t get past the fact that it shouldn’t be this complicated to go to concerts if you are in a wheelchair. That when the venue itself is accessible, there’s no need to make it as hard as many venues do.

That said, I hope this will be a fun experience. And I actually get to meet the artist (hopefully), which makes it even better. When I say hopefully I do have a ticket to meet the artist, but whether they will actually let me do that is another question. I’ve never done this before so I’m slightly nervous that my disability might make this complicated as well. Or I should say that the venue will use my disability to make this more complicated. But I hope it will go well.

The reality is I don’t know how this will go until I am there. So I will just have to wait and see. And try to focus on the best part of all of this, the music.

I love music. It is a tool that makes me feel part of society, mostly. I feel the same as the others who listen to it. It’s only when I go to concerts that things can get complicated. But music itself is the least complicated way for me to be part of society.

Opening my laptop

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability Truth, My WritingLeave a comment

The last post I wrote here was on my difficulties writing, and now that I’ve opened my laptop, I feel like in a way I could write more. That got me wondering if my biggest issues is opening my laptop? Like a more techy version of struggling to pick up your pen, I suppose. Once it’s in your hand, the hardest part is over.

So maybe once I open my laptop, or perhaps more specifically the file I’m working on, the hardest part is over. Who knows?

All this said, as I sit here writing this, despite my increased motivation to do so, I can feel the fatigue setting in my body. Despite only having been awake a couple of hours, I know that I could really do with a nap. But i don’t want to put that need to nap on the person I live with. We’re watching something together, and I don’t want to destry, I mean I don’t want my fatigue to destroy what we are doing. I know they will be okay with me sleeping, but it being something that feels so out of my control, doesn’t mean I don’t feel guilty. If I’m completely honest it makes me feel more guilty.

It’s an odd feeling, being both motivated to write, and fatigued at the same time. My brain feels wired, with words and ideas. It feels like breathing to get them out, to see them on a screen, to get some sort of release. Like I don’t even have to try to get it done. But my body feels tired, like I can’t keep up with the words I want to write. Like my body didn’t sleep last night, even though ny brain did,

This isn;t how I always experience fatigue, just how I’m experiencing it right now. The physical slowness, tiredness, is always there. However the mental tiredness comes and goes with the fatigue. Sometimes my brain feels just as tired as my body, and that is actually easier to deal with. At least everything I am feeling then is on the same page, right now it all feels to different to suceed at at.

I have so many ideas that I want to get out, but right now it feels harder to get the words out over the tiredness.

I just need a nap, sorry.

Fatigue sucks.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

Sometimes I think I’m so used to be tired that I don’t even notice that I’m tired anymore. I struggle to say I even have fatigue, it’s just me. Like the pain and discomfort, for me it’s my normal.

And then there are days like today where all I can feel is tired. Where the world feels a little bit slower and I’m fighting against the tiredness in me, as well as everything else.

Now I should say something clever or at least a little bit profound about living like this. But I honestly just don’t have the energy for that today.

I need to go back to sleep, but the joys of being me I don’t actually know if I’ll be able to sleep. I guess will have to wait and see.

My sleep is really messed up.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

I often say I’m always tired, or that I was born tired. I can always go for a nap.

Yesterday I slept all day on an off, meaning I couldn’t sleep at night. While I didn’t sleep all day today, I did sleep on and off. I then fell asleep early explaining how I’m awake in the middle of the night, so tomorrow is going to be difficult.

Fatigue sucks. No matter how much I sleep, which I can never seem to do at an appropriate time, I’m always tired.

I crashed

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability Truth1 Comment

If you pay that much attention to this blog and what I write, you may notice that occasionally backdate posts. Who says I don’t get to play a little bit with time.

I had to do it with it my last post, because I’ve just slept almost 12 hours, apart from being awake briefly when my carers came. This occasionally happens to me, and is more likely to happen when I haven’t been sleeping properly. It’s like my body needs to shut down physically for a while.

This time I was woken up by a not nice dream that I’m trying not to remember.

Occasionally I wake up well rested from these crashes. This is not one of those times. I feel a lot less fatigued but I still feel tired, like I could still do with a nap. But I always feel that way.

This time I’ve also woken up cold and uncomfortable. But there isn’t a lot I’m able to do about it. I kind of wish I was still asleep.

It’s a lie that you ever get used to the pain. I think sometimes you just forget it’s there. But sometimes it feels different, as I write this my arms are aching. And while it doesn’t hurt more, different pain throws you more than the pain that happens all the time.

But the electric blanket is helping. And I’ll be getting up in about half an hour, and getting on with my day. I hope you’re able to get on with yours and that you have a good one.