Home Alone

So I’m home alone while the person I live with does some errands. I don’t want to seem like I can’t be home alone, because I can be. That is until something needs doing.

One of my beautiful little doggies loves to cause problems and she might have just been doing so in the other bedroom. The personal lives suggested that I go and check it out, when I told them this. However it’s not that simple for me, simply going into the other room requires both a lot of steps and physical effort on my part. She’s also now also asleep next to me therefore I know she is not causing problems right now, and if I move to go and find out what problems she may have caused it will undoubtedly wake her up and therefore she may cause more problems. Add to this the fact that I am unlikely to be able to deal with any problems that she may have already caused anyway, and due to a broken door I am unable to stop her causing more problems.

Sometimes able bodied people or in this case people that are more able-bodied than me. Will ask things of me without considering or being aware of the steps involved specifically for me in what they are asking. They may not realise that they’re extra steps involved in doing something as a disabled person.

If I were to do what they have asked of me I would have to take care to put the things on my lap on to my bed properly, like my blanket and phone. As there are many steps involved in me trying to pick them up again should they fall on the floor, if I can do it at all. Next I have to struggle to open my own room door followed by the other room door that I need to go in. This will take a good five minutes just to get me into the other room at least, which is longer than it will actually take me to check if there is a mess or not. Like I said earlier even if there is a mess I will probably not be able to do anything about it.

So I guess this one is just a reminder that sometimes when you have disabled people to do simple things for you they aren’t quite as simple as you may think they are. While they may want very much to help you the energy required may not be something they are able to spare for you or to get the task done.

It’s not just that I have less energy than many other non-disabled people come out but the fact that doing something will actually cost me more energy than it would likely cost a non-disabled person to do it.

To any disabled or chronically ill people reading this, it is ok to make the best choice for you to conserve your energy and get the most out of your day Whatever this might look like for you. Remember it makes you smart and pragmatic in dealing with a situation that has components others may not be aware of. Don’t let their judgment of your actions dictate not doing what is best for you.

This post links to the idea of something known as Spoon Theory. Which provides a way of explaining an understanding how much energy disabled and chronically ill people have and maybe able to use or may use doing a certain task. This is definitely something you should look into if you are interested and I’ve never heard of it before. It is likely to be something I write about again as it is very relevant to me.

The Grass is still Green

This entry is an update on my previous post – Green Green Grass. In which I talk about the state of my garden and trying to get on the local scheme in my area to get it sorted.

I had a response today, to my re-inquiry of the issue from several days ago. Which basically gave me no update. Only that my request had been passed on to the relevant team. Which was the same update I received when I first made the enquiry to get on the scheme months ago.

I’m slightly frustrated that they didn’t give me any new information. But at least I have written proof that they have not forgotten about me I suppose.

I’m torn with what to do with my garden in the meantime honestly. I could probably get a few family members to sort out the garden this once, and trust me it needs doing. But I’m worried if I do that, they somehow may not think I need to be on the scheme if that makes sense.

Having others around you that could help you, can be scary when you need government provided help. It feels like a risk to take a one off, that may cost me something I need. This is something that I also have to be careful with the day to day help I receive from my sister. I have to have just the right amount of help from my sister, to ensure that my council provided care isn’t compromised in any way. Or that no one suggests that I need more care from official sources.

The concern that I could one day be placed in a care home, if the amount of care I need to receive officially costs the council to much, is very real to me. That is to say the care I receive and from where I receive it is a balance to say the least.

The help I receive is always a balance, as it seems like it may end up costing me my independence in some way. I hope that makes sense.

Anyway in terms of the garden, I’m no closer really. But I hope I find out where I stand soon with this.