Tag: Alone

You have to be able to think into the future.

On By Katy DalyIn BlogLeave a comment

When you’re disabled, you have to be able to think not only about everything you currently need, but about everything you might need being left alone.

As I write this, I am sat at home hungry because I didn’t think about the fact that I would want food when earlier I wasn’t hungry. And because I am home alone, I’m not able to get food until the person I live with comes home. Therefore I’m just hungry, and essentially waiting for someone to come feed me.

If I had thought about it more, I would’ve had something to eat before they left or been left with something like crisps that I could eat on my own, but I didn’t. I just spoke to the person with her basically blamed me for not asking for something to eat before they left. But then I wasn’t hungry, and I wasn’t thinking. It’s hard to ask for things that you might need when you don’t need them. And the only person that suffers when I don’t do this, it’s me.

I don’t think anyone who isn’t disabled has to think like this. Sure there are sometimes when we all have to think and plan for the future, but when you disabled you have to do it nearly all the time. And that doesn’t make me any better at it just because it’s more important to me. You would think it would, but no.

I hate that even the basic things in life aren’t accessible to me if I haven’t thought ahead. And I hate that if I don’t think about this, I’m the only one that suffers for it.

I’m hungry.

Send food.

Being alone

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

Sometimes, being alone feels inaccessible to me. And yes, I phrased it like that just to fit the blog, but let me explain.

I’ve only had to be alone for a couple of hours today. But I did have to answer the door to my carers during this time. I somehow managed to get myself caught in my charges. I have a habit of being able to do that, in ways you wouldn’t imagine.

Usually I have the help to get myself out of it, but tonight I did not. I panicked. however, I was able to unstick myself from the mess I had created and therefore let the carers in. But I know for a fact, this will now have made me nervous for the next time I am alone when I’m expecting my Carers to come.

But as I’m sure, whoever decides to read, this will know, being worried about something doesn’t mean you can avoid it. For me, it comes up every week or so at the minute.

The most annoying part of all of this is that I really want to be alone, I think. But because of my disability, I am unable to be alone for very long periods of time. And it’s just my luck that during the times I am alone, something seems to always go wrong, like tonight.

You’d think I would be used to it by now, not be able to be alone. But I don’t think you ever get used to the things in life that aren’t a choice.

When I have the time I don’t have the energy and when I have the energy I don’t have the time.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

As I write this I’m sat in my parents house, trying not to fall asleep as the fatigue hits. I have a free afternoon and evening because my sister is out and I have cancelled my carers call to avoid things being difficult with the dogs.

I have no university work as I beat a deadline and so have to give it time after the date before I know if I’ve got on to the course I have applied for.

In other words I have the time to write or play the Sims when I go home, several hours of it in fact. But I am most likely going to end up napping for a couple of hours at least.

If I have the time, energy or motivation when I wake up I will do something, maybe.

Honestly I just wish all these different parts that I keep to function and do the things I enjoy, would line up a little more.