Tag: Ableism

I don’t even know what to say here.

On By Katy DalyIn Disability Pride ♿️, My Disability TruthLeave a comment

Someone literally just said to me “I’m not as bad as you but”… They were complaining about a really bad medical problem that apparently was ruining their life, while still seeming to function pretty well. I know you can’t judge what someone is going through by how well they’re able to function. But you’re working, you’re walking, have some perspective. At the very least don’t use me as your reference for it could be worse to my face.

This is why it’s hard to have Pride, because my existence in life is always going to be someone’s idea of it could be worse.

You have to take the advantages when you can.

On By Katy DalyIn BlogLeave a comment

So I’m going to do my best to explain the advantage wheelchair post from Friday, forgive me though as its taken a couple of days.

As I believe I said I went to a concert on Friday, one which was nicely accessible but had some key elements of inaccessibility, as these things often do. There was also ableism present, which had some good and bad consequences during the evening.

I have to start with the fact that I could get in the building be a major win for accessibility. This is not always a certainly, but I of course checked this out beforehand so was not surprised. The surprising part came when they allowed us to skip the entire queue. Which is obviously not equity, but if anyone wants to be disabled to take this one perk, I’ll swap.

We were then able to be near the front, leading to a great experience. Now my view was obscured a little but I knew it would be. I chose not to go on the accessibility platform and that’s the price of that decision. Its just the way it is, equality of equity, costs.

Now on to the ice cream. Earlier that day before the concert I went to go see someone close to me and I was given free ice cream by someone they know. They thought they were doing something nice, and I won’t lie the ice cream was nice. But the ableism of them giving me the ice cream was weird.

While it was nice to get upfront at the concert and the ice cream wss nice. I would have had a perfectly good time at the concert if I had the exact same access and treatment as everyone else, and I can pay for my own ice cream.

I also hope that a day will come where I won’t have to check if I can get into a building.

Advantage wheelchair.

On By Katy DalyIn BlogLeave a comment

Now I know this one needs explaining, and that’s my plan tomorrow. But right now I’m on my way to a concert. This is actually part of what I wanted to write about. That and ice cream.

Hoping this post is enough of a reminder today for me tomorrow.

New accessibility aid.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

I actually started this post at the beginning of the month, well I wrote the title at least. As the title suggests this was when I brought myself a new mobility aid. A phone holder. But I wanted to give myself some time to get used to this new accessibility aid, so that I could be sure I would actually find it helpful to me, before I wrote about it.

In the interest of transparency, I have since bought myself a better version of the one I had originally bought. Though in my previous post I talked about my use of an old Accessibility Aid being just as useful as something new. It is equally sometimes important to afford yourself something new if you think that it is going to help you.

I have to say that all in all this is one of the most helpful things I have afforded myself in a while. A simple piece of technology that holds my phone in various positions. Has made using my phone, which is a lifeline to accessibility and freedom in the world for me, a lot easier.

You can find the newer one I bought here, in case you think you might benefit from having it yourself.

But this post isn’t really about how good one new specific accessibility aid is for me. It is more about how socially difficult I found using a new accessibility aid.

I was worried that I would feel more disabled and for a while, I did for using a new aid. Society’s ableism is so strong that I as a full-time wheelchair user who is obviously disabled, worried about how disabled I would be perceived by the rest of society. The ableism of society is so strong that it can and often does lead to feelings of interlanised ableism. Where disabled people would rather suffer than appear more disabled to the rest of the world. But I decided to do my best to let these feelings go and give something that might help me a try. And it turns out it did.

I have felt this feeling several times throughout my life, with using a sling full time and having a permanent catheter placement to name just a few. Both of these massively improved the way I live my life. But my reluctant to use them in the beginning due to societies ablesim created many problems for me at the time. Avoiding the catheter specifically lead to me having anesthesia many times, that could have been avoided if I had gone straight for the permanent catheter. In other words I am saying that societies ableism was strong enough for me to choose surgery. Don’t underestimate how powerful ableism is, and how much harm it can do to a person.

But the point of this post is to say that I got over those feelings with time, and by putting myself first. And in every instance, my life was dramatically improved. So I guess this is just to say if it helps you, then you should use it. And if you think it may help you, then there is no harm in giving it a go. You will eventually become used to using it and more comfortable with yourself. Ultimately if you need it, use it. I know it’s not that simple in the moment. But future you will thank passed you for it.

Cleaners are an accessibility tool.

On By Katy DalyIn BlogLeave a comment

Well for me at least.

You see someone close to me referred to the fact that I have cleaners and that is a sign of not having a hard life. From an able normative perspective, I can understand this. It’s easy to jump to thinking I must be in a lucky position to have cleaners do the work for you, or something along those lines. While I understand that I am lucky to be in a position to be able to afford cleaners, for me they are an accessibility need.

They are a service a pay for as contribution to my house. They are necessity. While I’m not doing the work myself. I, through them, am still contributing to the upkeep of the house.

This is not to call anyone out who chooses to have cleaners, who may not exactly need them. But just to remind you that not everyone who uses a service that anyone can use, is choosing to use them. This happens with delivery options on systems as well.

What may be the easy option for some, maybe the only option for something to be accessible to others.

Both deserve not to be judged for the way they use the system they use.

Remember needing help and taking that help is not a bad thing. Its okay to need help. Even if you could manage something, rationing you energy in the best way for you is never a bad thing.

Lies

On By Katy DalyIn BlogLeave a comment

I’m pretty sure my carers lied to me again. They told me that I was their last call and wanted to come early because of that and then proceeded to be half an hour late when I said they had to come on time. And while I admit that I have no way of knowing whether the carers were lying in tbis instance. I have caught them in a lie before.

Honesty is important for everyone. But it is especially important when you find yourself relying on others, like I as disabled do. If you lie to me I often have no way to verify what you’re saying. I have to take your word for it. This applies to carers or anyone else. The world can literally be more inaccessible to me if you lie to me about it. This issue extends far beyond my actual carers, though I’m pretty sure it’s in their job description (or it should be) not to lie to their clients.

There’s a long list of places I have investigated the accessibility of, only to get there and find the place itself is not accessible. Sometimes this is very obvious access issues like say a step, which I didn’t think you could misidentify as an access problem but apparently you can. Other times it can be a more complex issue that I wouldn’t expect someone to be aware of, like the size of my wheelchair or the turning circle that it needs.

Back to the step for a second, because that was an interesting story, to say the least. I was told on more than one occasion that a place was accessible to me, despite one place having a step at the door, and the main part of the other place being on a whole other floor, with only steps to access it. On both occasions, they gave the reasons that they thought they would be accessible because the space in the business was big enough for a wheelchair user, once they get over the step. That’s a pretty big barrier to accessibility. To make things worse on both occasions I asked directly about step-free access. On one I only found out once I got the business, on the other I thankfully discovered it after a closer look on Google Maps so didn’t waste as much time.

The point of this post is to say please just be honest. Be honest too everyone, but especially those who rely on that honesty. Even if the truth is annoying it’s less annoying and to be frank less hurtful than a lie.

This is a hard question

On By Katy DalyIn BlogLeave a comment

What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?

I feel like this is a question that could be solved by solving the worlds ableism. I think I could have it all by being totally accepted in the world. But I know this is a hard ask of such an inaccessible world. I can hope I suppose.

By this logic I can not be responsible for getting “getting it all”, can I? Whether this is attainable is not exactly up to me.

Well this is a difficult question.

On By Katy DalyIn Writing PromptsLeave a comment

What are you good at?

When Society often tells me as a disabled person that I am good at nothing or at least not as good as non disabled people. It’s hard to have enough confidence in what I can do, to believe that I am a good at it.

That said I hope I’m good at writing. Sometimes it feels like the only thing that I’m good at.

Perhaps because I can access the world through writing the same way as non-disabled people can.

Perhaps this means that my love for writing is somewhat ableist.

But whatever it is, and whether or not I enjoy it. That’s all that matters, with something you love to do. That you enjoy it, not that you’re good at.