Tag: Ableism

Wealth is relative.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability Truth2 Comments

I spend a lot of time just scrolling on various internet platforms, and if there’s one thing I’ve learnt, it’s that wealth is relative.

Seeing people complain about the price of things they’ve inquired about, that I don’t even have the money to look into, is a wild experience. The price of getting a swimming pool in your garden has gone up, oh I feel so bad for you.

Sorry, I know this is a very cynical post. And while I’m a strong believer in people’s right to do whatever they want with their money, sometimes the reality of this is just difficult to witness.

I think it’s because I know that society is going to keep me poor. Don’t get me wrong I live comfortably, but I am never going to have the kind of disposable money needed for a pool. I know those that do have the money have worked hard for it, and they deserve it. But I’m not even getting the chance to work hard to change my situation. And sometimes that just gets to me.

I know compared to some I have a lot of money, but compared to others I know, I have nothing. And I feel like I’m constantly torn between it could be worse and why isn’t it better.

I don’t know where I was really going with this post, as it goes against what I believe to differ that people couldn’t talk about there problems just because it could be worse. I guess I’m just airing my own problems and that’s that.

If it wasn’t obvious, if I win the lottery, which I do not play, I will be getting a pool, or a jacuzzi.

I don’t want to be disabled.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

Someone made a comment on how benefits are spent, because they have a job and the person they were talking to does not. You know the classic, you dont work, I do, and thats what you’re spending my money on. I am one of the reasons this person isn’t working, so I feel guilty.

They then said they would like my life, to not have to work, and to sit doing nothing all day. I made the point that they would then have to take my disability from me. And I would rather have their job than my disability, so I could do what I want with my own house.

I’m sure you know by now you might have figured that this person is someone close to me, someone who should have known better. And yet they still think disabled people are playing the system.

I don’t know how many times I need to say it to have someone believe me. But I really want to work, and I don’t want to need to rely on benefits. To suggest otherwise is a harmful assumption, and is just unfair. To judge people on benefits for how they spend their money is cruel, to say the least.

If you want to have the benefits, and the perks, you also have to take the bad stuff, the reality.

You have to take the fact that you will never be able to help people as much as they help you. You will always need them more than they need you. Your control is conditional. Being viewed as an adult is conditional. You’re only a person when they want you to be.

Being disabled or being unable to work, is not a ride to an easy life. In fact the reality is the opposite. And I hope when you have to deal with this yourself, because disability is a when not an if, that no one makes you feel the way I was made to feel.

Please excuse this one, its a little more rant like than thought out. I don’t really have the energy for thought out today.

I hate the damage my disability can do.

On By Katy DalyIn Blog, My Disability TruthLeave a comment

My sister just drove my chair into my bed which then hit my wall because my bed is also on wheels. A wall that is very poorly painted as I live in a council house. A wall which is damaged again.

It keeps happening.

The price of living in a wheelchair in a flat not properly designed for someone in a wheelchair is constant damage of the building in various ways. I know this. I’ve been a wheelchair user my whole life. And yet it still frustrates me.

I will get over the damage I know I will, I always do. I know that it’s not really important. But right now I’m angry with myself for being disabled. All I can think is this damage wouldn’t be happening if I wasn’t disabled. The internalised ableism is winning.

But I know in reality that the problem is the inaccessibility of housing for people in wheelchairs like myself. That without a lot of money, housing will always be inaccessible to me and I will always end up damaging it in one way or another.

I just wish it didn’t upset me every time. When I know it’s an inevitability I can do nothing about.

Not sure if I answered this one right.

On By Katy DalyIn Disability Pride ♿️, My Disability Truth, Writing Prompts1 Comment

Name your top three pet peeves.

1. People that disguise ableism, sexism, racism etc as an “opinion”.

2. People that are continuously late, with no reasoning behind it, for a job they are paid to do.

3. People that lie, particularly about inconsequential lies, where the truth wouldn’t actually be a problem.

These are all based on real experiences I have with my own careers. I probably have more things that annoy me to be honest. However given the conversation I had today with one of my careers, who let’s just say had some very ableist things to say, I thought these fit well.

Just read you audience a bit more please.

I am an adult.

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As I write this I am at my friend’s. It is about 9pm, and my dad just called me to tell me they think I should go home. He says that it’s other people he’s worried about and not me and my ability, but it honestly doesn’t feel that way.

When I was out the other night with my sister he didn’t have this problem, and I was out a lot later. But then I wasn’t alone, so someone he views as more responsible was there.

I know he worries. But I honestly don’t think this is fair anymore.

I’m an adult. I am not less of an adult because I’m disabled. His worry for me is actually ableism.

Don’t worry I will get myself home.

That I’m normal.

On By Katy DalyIn Blog, Writing PromptsLeave a comment

What’s the first impression you want to give people?

And this is how I know that the internalised ableism is definitely kicking my butt at the minute.

I feel like it’s always there but sometimes it’s stronger than others. Bad news and failing things often makes it stronger, so those who read my last post likely know I am feeling this way.

The truth is I will never be seen as normal, Logically, I know I need to stop trying to be seen that way, because the truth is, I’m always going to fail. But knowing I should think a certain way, and actually thinking that way are two different things.

I know that being normal is overrated, but the world is so ableist, so inaccessible, so hard. That it’s incredibly difficult for me to not wish for this sometimes.

Hoping these feelings pass soon and I can set a new goal and move on to something that I can succeed at. I want my needs to be more than my disability. I want to be able to support myself in someway. And if I’m lucky, maybe make a change that matters in the world.

Never.

On By Katy DalyIn Blog4 Comments

How often do you walk or run?

Sometimes questions are phrased poorly when you’re disabled. I am a full time wheelchair user, I have never walked and will never walk a day in my life.

Therefore the only way I can answer this question is to look at it from different points of view and that changes the answer I will give.

If you’re asking how often I exercise, which could be what this question means. Then many of the tasks that I have to do on a daily basis, rolling, lifting my bag etc. can be considered exercise. Intentionally exercise I do rarely and if ever, I get tired enough just living.

Another way you could answer this question is by looking at how often I get out of house. And honestly my girls are a massive motivator for that. They are walked daily when the weather permits. When they are not with me, I don’t usually like to go out without having somewhere to go, but I might take a longer journey home if the weather is nice.

I hope this answers the question, but I guess that’s up to whoever is redding this to decide. 2

This is hard.

On By Katy DalyIn Blog, Writing Prompts1 Comment

Describe your life in an alternate universe.

My instant reaction is to describe the non disabled version of myself. As if this is all I would be in an alternative universe. But really other than a few physical attributes which would aid in changing other things when I really think about it. What I would really be different about me is that I would be more confident, more outgoing. Actually achieving the things I want and not being stopped or slowed down by ableism and inaccessibility.

I don’t even know what to say here.

On By Katy DalyIn Disability Pride ♿️, My Disability TruthLeave a comment

Someone literally just said to me “I’m not as bad as you but”… They were complaining about a really bad medical problem that apparently was ruining their life, while still seeming to function pretty well. I know you can’t judge what someone is going through by how well they’re able to function. But you’re working, you’re walking, have some perspective. At the very least don’t use me as your reference for it could be worse to my face.

This is why it’s hard to have Pride, because my existence in life is always going to be someone’s idea of it could be worse.

You have to take the advantages when you can.

On By Katy DalyIn BlogLeave a comment

So I’m going to do my best to explain the advantage wheelchair post from Friday, forgive me though as its taken a couple of days.

As I believe I said I went to a concert on Friday, one which was nicely accessible but had some key elements of inaccessibility, as these things often do. There was also ableism present, which had some good and bad consequences during the evening.

I have to start with the fact that I could get in the building be a major win for accessibility. This is not always a certainly, but I of course checked this out beforehand so was not surprised. The surprising part came when they allowed us to skip the entire queue. Which is obviously not equity, but if anyone wants to be disabled to take this one perk, I’ll swap.

We were then able to be near the front, leading to a great experience. Now my view was obscured a little but I knew it would be. I chose not to go on the accessibility platform and that’s the price of that decision. Its just the way it is, equality of equity, costs.

Now on to the ice cream. Earlier that day before the concert I went to go see someone close to me and I was given free ice cream by someone they know. They thought they were doing something nice, and I won’t lie the ice cream was nice. But the ableism of them giving me the ice cream was weird.

While it was nice to get upfront at the concert and the ice cream wss nice. I would have had a perfectly good time at the concert if I had the exact same access and treatment as everyone else, and I can pay for my own ice cream.

I also hope that a day will come where I won’t have to check if I can get into a building.