Music.

On By Katy DalyIn Writing PromptsLeave a comment

Which activities make you lose track of time?

Given this is a backdated post it seems like a perfect opportunity to talk about something called Maladaptive Daydreaming.

If you click the link it’ll Explain more about it, but essentially it is harmful and unconcontrolable daydreaming. This is something that I have done for as long as I can remember, and is definitely an activity that makes me lose track of time the most.

It is characterised by very vivid and repeated Daydreaming scenarios. They might play on a loop, and can triggered by TV or real-life events, or it can just happen.

While it is not yet a recognised medical condition, this doesn’t mean it isn’t a medical condition. Only that medical science has yet to catch up with the condition, and I hope this changes one day. As it is one I certainly believe I have.

If you read the link at the top of this page I’d be happy to answer any questions you might have.

But to answer this question I would have to say that alongside listening to music which often triggers me, sleeping, or just scrolling can make me loose track of time as well. How about you?

Fatigue sucks.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment

so yesterday (Today, because this will be a backdated post) I went out having been awake for more than 12 hours. By the time I was able to sleep, I had been awake for more than 24 hours.
This is partly my own fault as a stayed up all night, but I just couldn’t get to sleep. But I found managing to fall asleep, I woke up this morning having slept 12 hours.
Here it gets a bit timey whimey because I will be talking about the future in terms of when this is posted.
But I’m already tired, as I write this, even though I’ve slept 12 hours, and that’s just frustrating. I’m always tired. I usually more able to function if I have slept, but I’m still tired. And to be honest, it gets annoying.
I have chronic fatigue associated with my cerebral palsy, and it doesn’t seem to be something that is locked into our recognise as much. My tiredness is often blamed on my lack of sleep, and that Isn’t it helped by my poor sleeping pattern. They often think the fact I’m always tired is my own fault just because people don’t know better.
Anyway, I’m going go take a nap.

Oh that’s a question

On By Katy DalyIn Blog, Writing PromptsLeave a comment

If you won two free plane tickets, where would you go?

I’ve always wondered if I were to ever win a competition where something like this is offered what would practically happen? Just because I won a trip like this doesn’t mean it would be accessible to me.

Are used to think about answering those competitions where you could win a car. I always wondered if I’d be able to sell the car if I want it because I knew it wouldn’t be a prize that would have any value to me.

But let’s just assume this holiday would be completely accessible, like it would be for any non-disabled person that won it.

Vegas probably.

Or somewhere warm at least.

Where would you go?

Working for free on benefits

On By Katy DalyIn Blog, My Disability TruthLeave a comment

Image if your worked stopped paying you as soon as you earned what someone else decided was enough for you to live on.

You then had to live off your savings until someone else decided that you didn’t have enough money to live on so you should be paid again.

All the while you were still working.

This is the reality for many disabled people.

While if you’re lucky you’re on one of the few disability benefits that aren’t means tested, most are.

Benefits are the only source of income some disabled people have. Even if they are able to work, despite there conditions and the ableism they face in society. They still need the benefits to pay for the disability tax. The increased cost of living in society as a disabled person.

And yet if you what someone else seems is too much money, most if not all of your income is taken from you.

I could do with doing this more let’s be honest.

On By Katy DalyIn Writing PromptsLeave a comment

What strategies do you use to maintain your health and well-being?

I’m struggling to focus on this at the moment, it’s almost 5am as I write this so that should be obvious.

While I guess I struggle with this a lot of the time, it’s hard to pinpoint what I do at these time, and if the things I think I do are even for the best.

I think I give myself the time and space to sleep and rest. But maybe that does me more harm than good, maybe it’s just me trying to escape everything and why I’m up at 5am.

Music can be helpful, but can also hurt, as it can trigger memorises of things I’m trying to get away from.

Watching my favourite shows or my comfort shows can be a nice escape, but if I finish a show it can be upsetting for me emotionally. I haven’t really considered properly why this might be.

Writing can help but often I fall into the trap of putting to much pressure on myself to complete a goal, so this stops becoming helpful.

Anything else that I may like to do to help my own wellbeing, I generally need help with. And besides not wanting to be more to burden to those around me, this can also be a trigger for me. A reminder of the things I’m trying to escape from.

I don’t know if this makes sense at all. And I’m even less sure, I might just of wrote it as an escape from going to sleep, which I should really do as I have plans in a few hours. Plans that I now don’t really want to do. I’m so tired but can’t sleep.

But maybe I should take the fact that I felt drawn to writing this prompt, as a sign that I’m getting myself back into writing a little bit. And maybe now I’m putting too much pressure on myself to start writhing again. I don’t know anymore.

I can’t really travel.

On By Katy DalyIn Blog, My Disability Truth6 Comments

What are your future travel plans?

Yes for the reasons you’re thinking of, but also not really for those reasons.

Let’s just say that money can solve most problems and if you really don’t believe that then you’re not paying attention to how privileged financially you are. Money could definitely solve the problem with travel for me. While much of the world is inaccessible, many of those inaccessibilities can be overcome with money.

Money the world does not want me to have because it does not want me to make a living for myself and have to see people like me in the real world. Money the world does not want me to have because I would not confirm to the useless disabled person they believe I should be. Money they’re able to keep from me.

Society wants me to be poor, and so I cannot travel. It is that simple.

That said, I would love to go to Vegas.

I know I said I was going to write much and I think I’m still going to keep this short and sweet but this one was to good not to answer

I’m never going to get to live any sort of life that I want to.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability Truth2 Comments

The stuff that’s been bothering me lately that I don’t know how to deal with, let alone write about, has got me thinking about this. I know I’m not supposed to focus on that, but it’s the truth, I will never get to live the life I feel like I’m supposed to live. And just right now I don’t know how to get over those feelings.

I know they’re no good to feel, that they won’t get me anywhere. But you can’t really stop yourself feeling things, just because you know that feeling them isn’t going to get you anywhere.

So, for right now I’m a little stuck.

When I tell you I forget I’m disabled.

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability Truth5 Comments
Image Description: Screenshot from a Tumblr post from un-monstre, the text reads: Disability will have you thinking shit like ” I’m not even that disabled. I can manage as long as I limit myself to very specific careers, never go shopping for more than an hour or two at a time, Keep my plans open so I can cancel and stay in if need be, I’m only going out a few nights per week at the most.”

When you look at it like that. It’s kind of sad.

Doctor Who

On By Katy DalyIn My Disability TruthLeave a comment
Image Description: A Quote from The Doctor, that reads “The way I see it every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant” –

As I share this quote this is me holding on to something I enjoy when things are difficult. This feels particularly relevant to what I’m dealing with right now, and who doesn’t love an excuse to quote Doctor Who? If the answer is you then you might want to avoid this blog for a while.