Sharing my life and areas of inaccessibility, as a full-time electric wheelchair user.
What is the most important thing to carry with you all the time?
I know how that sounds but bare with me.
My phone, the internet, and social media, it is how I access the world. There’s no other way I can do so without help, there’s no other place I can be me the way I want to.
My phone also gets me help when I need it.
It’s not unfair to say that it’s my lifeline.
So don’t judge people who live through the Internet, judge the rest of the world for making it there only option.
Which activities make you lose track of time?
Given this is a backdated post it seems like a perfect opportunity to talk about something called Maladaptive Daydreaming.
If you click the link it’ll Explain more about it, but essentially it is harmful and unconcontrolable daydreaming. This is something that I have done for as long as I can remember, and is definitely an activity that makes me lose track of time the most.
It is characterised by very vivid and repeated Daydreaming scenarios. They might play on a loop, and can triggered by TV or real-life events, or it can just happen.
While it is not yet a recognised medical condition, this doesn’t mean it isn’t a medical condition. Only that medical science has yet to catch up with the condition, and I hope this changes one day. As it is one I certainly believe I have.
If you read the link at the top of this page I’d be happy to answer any questions you might have.
But to answer this question I would have to say that alongside listening to music which often triggers me, sleeping, or just scrolling can make me loose track of time as well. How about you?
If you won two free plane tickets, where would you go?
I’ve always wondered if I were to ever win a competition where something like this is offered what would practically happen? Just because I won a trip like this doesn’t mean it would be accessible to me.
Are used to think about answering those competitions where you could win a car. I always wondered if I’d be able to sell the car if I want it because I knew it wouldn’t be a prize that would have any value to me.
But let’s just assume this holiday would be completely accessible, like it would be for any non-disabled person that won it.
Vegas probably.
Or somewhere warm at least.
Where would you go?
What strategies do you use to maintain your health and well-being?
I’m struggling to focus on this at the moment, it’s almost 5am as I write this so that should be obvious.
While I guess I struggle with this a lot of the time, it’s hard to pinpoint what I do at these time, and if the things I think I do are even for the best.
I think I give myself the time and space to sleep and rest. But maybe that does me more harm than good, maybe it’s just me trying to escape everything and why I’m up at 5am.
Music can be helpful, but can also hurt, as it can trigger memorises of things I’m trying to get away from.
Watching my favourite shows or my comfort shows can be a nice escape, but if I finish a show it can be upsetting for me emotionally. I haven’t really considered properly why this might be.
Writing can help but often I fall into the trap of putting to much pressure on myself to complete a goal, so this stops becoming helpful.
Anything else that I may like to do to help my own wellbeing, I generally need help with. And besides not wanting to be more to burden to those around me, this can also be a trigger for me. A reminder of the things I’m trying to escape from.
I don’t know if this makes sense at all. And I’m even less sure, I might just of wrote it as an escape from going to sleep, which I should really do as I have plans in a few hours. Plans that I now don’t really want to do. I’m so tired but can’t sleep.
But maybe I should take the fact that I felt drawn to writing this prompt, as a sign that I’m getting myself back into writing a little bit. And maybe now I’m putting too much pressure on myself to start writhing again. I don’t know anymore.
What bothers you and why?
Take now as I start this post, I am on a bus, and the people I’m with decided to go sit at the back. I know there are supposed to be the better seats on the bus, but I can only sit in one place on the bus, and there were seats near me when we got on, I’d be lying if I said their choice doesn’t bother me. How can it not?
They could have chosen to sit with me, but they didn’t. And every little time someone makes this choice, it reinforces what I think I’ve always known, I’m not more important than the better option.
My disability is an inconvenience to them, to be honest, it is to me as well, but I can’t escape it. They can though, and worse than that, they choose to. I don’t know if it’s made better or worse by the fact I can’t blame them though.
I just wish society made being with me the easier option.
List 10 things you know to be absolutely certain.
I’m a person who definitely believes that most things in life are subjective. I said most things because I am aware that there are often exceptions to a statement like this. That said I’m going to give this writing prompt a go:
I know that many of these are about disability, and that’s because disability restated things are currently on my mind. Maybe that has something to do with it being Disability Pride Month, or more likely it’s just because I’m disabled, so these things are always important to me.
Whatever the reasoning behind the focus of the list, everything I’ve said is true. And you’ve got to love when you’re able to get a Doctor Who quote in to something and it still makes perfect sense, that’s just a double win.
Do you have any objections to anything I’ve included on the list? I’d love to know what you think.
If you could host a dinner and anyone you invite was sure to come, who would you invite?
Damn. I take these questions way too seriously.
Erm. My mum.
Seriously.
But celebrity wise which I’m sure is what this actually means. I would absolutely love to have dinner with John Barrowman. I love him as a person and in Doctor Who as Jack. I also think he wouldn’t care when I inevitably spill food on myself.
To be honest this question was harder to answer than I thought it would be.
How important is spirituality in your life?
But I respect the importance of it to others.
Whatever brings you comfort in this life is all that matters to me, so long as it doesn’t cause harm to anyone else.
With that said I don’t really know what else I have to say on the matter. Short and sweet for this one.
Write about your first crush.
Memories cannot always be trusted, I do not remember whether I loved before this or not, but I remember what love did to me.
It, wasn’t good.
It made me hate myself more than I think I ever have before. It took time, but I am glad it is over.
I am glad that I now know myself better, that I trust myself more in who I am, without what I thought they needed to give me to exist.
What countries do you want to visit?
If the truth be told, I’m struggling a lot with the freedom that others around me have that I do not. Call me selfish or self-centred, but this is my place to tell the truth, is it not?
I feel like every new accomplishment that those around me make, is a stab in the heart, a reminder of what I will never be able to do.
Sometimes it feels like everything is that. Every party I cannot attend, every mess I cannot clean, every drink I cannot make for myself. Sometimes, it’s really hard to exist in the world when it feels like everything I can not do is everywhere.
For that reason, this question is not reasonable or sensible to me. It simply doesn’t bother thinking about it because it will never happen.
That said, I would love to visit America, and perhaps Malta.
My Inaccessible Life 