Category: Blog

Why will I not work for free?

On By Katy DalyIn BlogLeave a comment

To be clear I don’t believe that anyone should ever have to work for free, volunteering or otherwise. If you choose to do so that’s completely okay, but only if this is a free choice, and for most people I believe that this isn’t the case. Most people seem to find themselves unable to get a job where they can be paid for there work, and so end up working for free, these situations are not a choice as far as I’m concerned. They may have no other options, and so this cannot be considered a free choice, if it’s the only choice you have.

Working for free is never something I will choose to do, but I recognise that I am in a privelleged position to be able to refuse to do that. I am able to get by in life from the benefits that I am entitled to, but so long as I am in that position I will not work for free. Beyond my inital statement, that no one should work for free, which of course also applies to me. I have more personal reasons why I will not work for free.

The biggest reasoning besides believing that I should be paid for my worth like anyone else, for me is energy. It will cost me a lot of energy to hold down even a part time job, that my friends is the joys of being disabled and having fatigue, I cannot affrod to waste the limited physical energy that I have, on something which does not benefit me, and I know that may come off as selfish but I honeslty think it’s fair. On top of this I must also consider the way that me working, will impact the benefits I am on, and the bills that I currently have to pay. Without boring anyone reading this, let’s just say it’s an incredible complex system, that means that only working either bellow or above a certain amount will be of actual benefit to me. As such I can’t just take any role for any amount of money that is offered to me, this further limits the already limited work I am able to do. I have to be smart, physically and finacially.

In a world that doesn’t want me to work, and would be quite happy if I did nothing at all with my life, it’s hard to fight against it at all. I don’t alwayes know if I want to fight against it all, maybe it’s just better not to try, but that’s what they want to me to think, right? And it feels like all I have left is to push against people wanting that.

It’s an uphill battle for everyone to work in the modern world. And lets just say, hills have never been designed for those of us in wheelchairs.

Now, you may be wondering what prompted this post, well let’s just say family pressure. Family pressure without truly understanding what I’m up against. Family pressure without understanding the complex of the situation. Family pressure that has been hypoctical to say the least, from those who had opotunities I never had, and threw them away. It’s fustrating to have people that don’t know your life, believe they do, and try to tell you how to live it. I’m trying and I just wish that was enough.

Going out

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So I’ve been invited to a family event and thankfully the place is fairly accessible. I’m quite happy with the gap in the bench at the table, and the ramps, but to be honest that’s about it. I can’t get myself a drink though, which is probably both equally a blessing and a curse.

Its still odd for me to be invited to things, I’m honestly not sure I’ll get used to it. Before coming here I contemplated not coming multiple times, I figured it would just be easier for everyone else and for me. But I’m glad I came, I think.

One day maybe I can go somewhere with people and not feel anxious that I’ll get in the way. Living in an inaccessible society, causes lasting emotional damage. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to being invited anywhere, to being wanted.

Even the friends I see regularly, I’m still surprised they want me around, but somehow they do. That the problems I cause are worth it for them.

Logically I know it’s not my fault that society is so inaccessible, but emotionally? It’s a struggle to remember that I am not the issue. That I deserve to be involved in things even if it’s difficult.

It’s okay to not feel like you belong, it’s not your fault. Just try not to let that stop you from doing something you want to. You deserve to have fun.

Oh the weather outside is… Sunny?

On By Katy DalyIn Blog2 Comments

Okay, so I know it’s not Christmas, but I couldn’t resist titling this post that way. It’s not actually a very positive post, well it sort of is, but this makes me feel even better about it.

So today I went to see some family, and I had to stay in the garden. Surprisingly, for where I live the weather was okay, but that doesn’t mean I was very happy about the whole experience. Obviously would’ve been worse. Had the weather been bad, but either way it’s uncomfortable for me to go to places where all I can do is wait outside.

The reality of most housing not being accessible to you, is more than the fact that you are often limited in the housing you can live in. For me I will likely never leave my current home, it was very difficult for me to find somewhere that’s even partially accessible. But also that you often cannot visit anyone in there, homes because you cannot get into them.

There is almost no one out of all my friends and family that I am able to go and see due to the accessibility of the house that they live in. And if I’m being honest with myself, this is something that I find really upsetting.

Logically I know it’s too much to say that I wish they would only live in accessible housing, but also, I wish they would live in accessible housing. I wish that it wasn’t too much to ask to want to be part of my family.

It gets really frustrating when you are the one that has to make the compromises in order to spend time with family, and I am yet to find a way round it. Having them come to my home is also difficult because it means I have to get my home ready for visitors. This is something that I’m not able to do, and don’t worry about the way that anyone visited my home judge me for that. For this reason, I don’t have a lot of people visiting my home and that is honestly the way I like it.

Another part of the reason that I don’t like having people over in my home is because I have a lot of strangers in my home regularly, in the form of carers. It makes me not like the experience of having other people in my home if I’m honest, whether I know them or not.

For this reason, it was strongly suggested that we meet somewhere else in order to spend time together. Mainly because given where I live there is every chance that it might rain, and I didn’t want to have to get wet, as I can’t easily change. Though in this instance that didn’t happen thankfully, it was still a risk, and not one I was very comfortable in taking but needs must.

From experience if I don’t take risks such as going to people’s inaccessible homes in order to spend time with them. Or going to events at just about accessible venues, which are still inaccessible as far as I’m concerned, then I’m often blamed. In the past it feels as if others believe I have chosen not to participate in the get together. Rather than it being the venue and the lack of planning on the organises part, that are the reason I’m unable to attend.

As a result of this happening repeatedly, I haven’t internalised this as being something wrong with me. As if it is my fault, I am not able to spend time with friends and family and therefore I must compromise when I can in order to do so.

Today, as I have said, it went well but it doesn’t always. And I have to admit I’m left wondering when others will compromise to spend time with me? Honestly I know the answer is never, as non-disabled don’t find themselves in a position where there need to compromise in the way that disabled people do.

But it would be even better if more homes could be accessible and I would I simply be able to go and see those that I care about in their homes.

More homes need to be accessible to disable people. So that we get to be part of society and our families properly.

Please forgive me if this one doesn’t make a lot of sense I can’t really figure out why but I don’t feel like it does. I hope you get the gist of it anyway.

I didn’t vote today

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Tricked you.

I did vote but my post so I didn’t vote today, technically.

But I hope you voted ( If you’re reading this from the UK, you should know what i’m talking about). Even if you’re like me and don’t know a lot about politics and find it all very confusing, that’s ok.

Having a say is better than having no say at all. Voting is a brilliant example of this.

That’s all I have to say on the matter. I’m sorry it isn’t more inspiring or insightful. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’ve posted it so late in the day, I’ve had a very busy time, not voting, because I already did that.

OK, I’ll stop now. I know I’m not as funny as I think. I am.  

Just do your best today and that’s good enough, though that is, of course, of course true of every day.

You have to be able to think into the future.

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When you’re disabled, you have to be able to think not only about everything you currently need, but about everything you might need being left alone.

As I write this, I am sat at home hungry because I didn’t think about the fact that I would want food when earlier I wasn’t hungry. And because I am home alone, I’m not able to get food until the person I live with comes home. Therefore I’m just hungry, and essentially waiting for someone to come feed me.

If I had thought about it more, I would’ve had something to eat before they left or been left with something like crisps that I could eat on my own, but I didn’t. I just spoke to the person with her basically blamed me for not asking for something to eat before they left. But then I wasn’t hungry, and I wasn’t thinking. It’s hard to ask for things that you might need when you don’t need them. And the only person that suffers when I don’t do this, it’s me.

I don’t think anyone who isn’t disabled has to think like this. Sure there are sometimes when we all have to think and plan for the future, but when you disabled you have to do it nearly all the time. And that doesn’t make me any better at it just because it’s more important to me. You would think it would, but no.

I hate that even the basic things in life aren’t accessible to me if I haven’t thought ahead. And I hate that if I don’t think about this, I’m the only one that suffers for it.

I’m hungry.

Send food.

Being left out.

On By Katy DalyIn Blog1 Comment

This weekend my neighbours are having a party. Everyone was invited apart from me. It was just assumed I wouldn’t want to go.

Attending things with other people can be so difficult that I don’t actually know if it’s just better to not be invited sometimes. I don’t think I’m able to make a fair decision about whether I would or wouldn’t want to go to these kinds of events. Simply because of how awkward it would be for me to attend. It’s not a fair decision if it’s bias.

I just wish I’d be able to do things with those around me without it being an issue. Without the idea that maybe it’s better that I wasn’t invited, maybe being right.

It’s a bit much.

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A bad experience at a concert can really through me, and that’s what happened last night.

If you want to know more specifics about the experience you can see the TikTok I made here. A poor inaccessible experience, and that’s putting it lightly, throws the entire image I have of myself as a disabled person into question.

It makes me wonder why I even try, if I’m just going to be treated like that. It makes me wonder why I even try. It makes me feel more disabled. 

It shows me without a doubt that it’s society that makes me disabled, and that makes me sad. It makes me sad because I know there’s nothing I can really do about the way they want to treat me.

I just want to enjoy a concert. I don’t understand why that’s to much to ask.

Access

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When the wheelchair accessibility of a venue is so rubbish but they won’t let me leave without making my carer leave to who likes who we were supposed to see as well so you end up sitting in the corner watching How I Met Your Mother. This is why I go everywhere prepared to sit alone in the corner 😂😢

Image Description: picture of a clip from How I Met Your Mother on a phone, showing Lily and Marshall the captions read “there occurred a game-changing emergency.”

Make of this what you will. May or may not explain more later.

Concert fears.

On By Katy DalyIn Blog4 Comments

So tonight I’m going to another concert, and when you do this as a wheelchair user it always comes with a level of anxiety, especially when I go to a new venue.

Concerts are an odd experience for me, the music can help me feel free and part of a group, while the environment can make me feel more disabled than any other environment. It’s always hit and miss.

This is a concert I’ve been to before, and last time it was amazing, but my experience was helped massively by the venue. By the fact I could go in the crowd with everyone else, and be near the front.

The last thing I want is to be at the back, I’d rather be in the crowd and unable to see, rather than in some special area. In the past I’ve been in this area and unable to see anyway. The area isn’t really about me being safe, it’s about protecting the venue from being sued in anyway and I hate being in it.

But this time I know in advance that I will have to be in it, which I’ll admit it is better than not knowing. However it’s still causing me a great deal of anxiety. I’m hoping the experience will be worth the stress that venues place on me because of my disability. But this isn’t something I will know until I get there, but I can live in hope for a good experience right.

Wish me look.

Dear people who use trains with babies, can you not leave your buggies in the wheelchair spaces. Thank you.

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Image Description: An over the shoulder photo of a buggies on the edge of a wheelchair space on a train.

As I write this post I am still on the train. It is worth noting that the buggy was moved so I could get in before the photo was taken. Before this, it was completely in the wheelchair space. The owner of the buggy is nowhere to be seen.

I know that children and buggies have every right to take up space, but please remember your buggies are optional, my wheelchair is not.

It’s one thing to leave your buggy in the wheelchair space with you there. But to leave it there while you go into another area of the train is even more surprising to me. Why would you do it? Why would you leave your belongings unattended like that? Is being in first class really that important to you?

While the buggy has been moved out of the area, it is now blocking the isle and other passengers. It is not as easy for me to move as it is for you to not leave you things in the way in the first place.