I’ve been asked many times in my life if I wish I could walk, I feel like I’m supposed to say no, like her answer would somehow support the validity of disabled people’s existence. But in reality is not a question I can answer that simply, it’s just a lot more complicated. You’re asking me if I wish I could do something that I’ve never been able to do before, something that having the ability to do would change my life beyond recognition, and I’m honestly not sure how I feel about that.

I don’t wish I could walk right now, right now I just wish I could find the battery for my TV remote.

Early today, I wished that I didn’t feel like it was my fault that my family’s plans ruined. Even though logically, I know inaccessibility is to blame and not me, sometimes it still feels like my fault.

Maybe tomorrow l’ll wish I could walk, or maybe I’ll just wish I could clean my own floor. Who knows?

Right now, though I just wish that I could sleep.