That’s sort of a lie. I was in it for maybe an hour? It just hurt to much.

There’s something not right with the cushion on the chair and it leaves the bar digging into my legs in a way that gives me pins and needles.

The immediate problem is fixable by getting out of my chair and moving the cushion forward. But there needs to be a bigger problem before I call and ask for help to fix the wider issue of the cushion moving. At least that’s what I tell myself, maybe I’m wrong and making myself suffer. I don’t know. Thanks anxiety. I just don’t feel like this is a big enlightened problem yet to get help with.

Today I just got out of my chair again, into my other chair, which to be honest has its own problems but at least doesn’t cause me as much pain.

I’m honestly tired of needing these mobility aids. Of the guilt I feel when they brake and needing help to fix them. But this is me for the rest of my life and I know that I have to accept that, it’s just hard.

I wish I didn’t need all this. I wish I could solve my own problems. To be honest I really wish I didn’t as much help as I do. Needing help consistently takes its toll. And I can’t just not have help for a while. I can’t have a brake from needling someone, from being disabled.