I’m getting my hair done over the coming days, and I’m worried.

I’m worried because I can’t follow the guidance exactly how I would like to. But I’ve tried my best. I can only wash my hair on certain days in the week and in the evening, due to my carers. But this isn’t something that someone would know about me without me saying. And don’t know how I’m supposed to bring that up to people who don’t me.

When you need help to do things, doing things when you want isn’t always an option. But I do my best.

I have to deal with the anxiety of this alongside the anxiety of having someone new cut my hair. This is the first time I will be paying for someone to come to my home to do it. As the family members that usually do it are unable to do it right now, or ignoring me.

I don’t want to risk going to a standard hairdresser as I’ve done this before and it’s been difficult due to accessibility.

Once I rang a hairdresser to ask if they were accessible, and they assured me that they were. However, when I got there, there was a step outside the building.  I questioned this and their answer was that once so was inside the place was accessible. I pointed out that I couldn’t get inside due to the step. Their solution was to give me a free coupon for that Salon, the one I couldn’t get in.

So I don’t want to risk that again. This is why I’m using a mobile hairdresser. But it doesn’t come without concern for me, nothing seems to come without concern.

I have told them I am in a wheelchair, but I worry that they will just forget that. That they will say they can’t do it because I’m in a chair, or for some other reason I haven’t thought of. 

Logically I’m sure it’ll be fine, but I’m still worried.

Anxiety sucks.

And I just wish that I was able to go into a regular hairdresser and get it done somewhere where I wouldn’t be a problem. 

It’s difficult when dealing with a world that’s so inaccessible to you, to not blame yourself for the reason things are so difficult. Logically I know this is not my fault, but emotionally which is the side that always seems to win, its so much more difficult to deal with.

But getting my hair done seems worth it. After it’s done I just feel like I can breathe, if that even makes sense.

All this said, wish me luck for tomorrow. I honestly feel like I need it.