But I probably should be.

As I write this it is 5:30 am, and while I know I’m gonna regret saying this later, right now, I’m not tired. No doubt this is because I took a nap in the late afternoon yesterday.

One of the joys of having fatigue is you don’t choose when you get tired or how quickly you get tired. But I don’t always have fatigue I don’t think. Sometimes like right now, I have a lot of energy, so much so that I can’t sleep. Even though I know, I’m going to regret it later.

Is that part of fatigue? I don’t know.

One of the ways I have dealt with being disabled emotionally, is by understanding as much as I can about it as possible. But the research I have done, seems to draw a blanket fatigue. The exact symptoms could very easily fit into my cerebral palsy as well.

I suppose it doesn’t really matter, either way, I’m dealing with it, no matter what causes it right? But not knowing kind of bugs me. I do like to know these things.

My sleep pattern has always been messed up. I’ve always either slept not enough or far too long, and never seem to get it right. Either way, I am always tired. Right now I’m tired but that doesn’t mean I am able to sleep.

This is just another part of my body that doesn’t match up with my brain. And I should definitely be used to that by now. But I’m honestly not sure that you ever get used to being disabled.