From the perspective of someone who’s had care for more than half there life.

It can seem pedantic like someone is not respecting the carers job, if they get upset when a carer tries to come early for a call. But it’s not that simple.

I want to start this. It’s saying that I respect carers and the job they do. I believe they deserve respect, better pay, and better work environments. But in terms of this post, that’s the last time I’m going to take their side in this situation. This is about what it is like to have carers, not be a carer.

Nobody wants carers. Nobody wants care. Many people are acutely aware of the fact that they are in the minority with what they need help with. And it’s draining. You, as the carer are the one that chooses to be in that situation where you are providing care. This is your job, a job you chose, as much as anyone chooses to work. And if you didn’t have a choice in getting a job as a carer,  that is not the fault of the person or people that you care for. Remember that.

If a person needs care, whether that is part of what they need to get through day to day or getting them independence. It doesn’t mean that accepting the care is going to be easy. Personally, it took me a long time to accept that I needed care, sometimes I still struggle. And I am a person who’s needed the kind of help I now get from carers her whole life. But getting it from carers was still an adjustment, that I’m still adjusting to.

One of the most difficult parts about needing carers for me is the tuning. It’s the fact I can’t just go to bed when I want or get up when I want. That it has to be so regimented to ensure that I get it. Can you imagine for a second if you had to get up and go to bed at the same time every day? And someone came to your house just to make sure that you did as you were told.

If you get your care from a company, and you’re very lucky you might get your care at or near a time that you actually want it. If you’re extremely lucky they might actually stick to that. And if anyone is reading this thinking why don’t you just get a PA (meaning self employed carers over a company) they are a lot more difficult to get than it might seem. Companies provide a level of consistency and security in care, that some people need.

Whether or not you get to choose the time of your call, which most people don’t have the luxury of doing and have to compromise.  The time that they do come can be very important to someone. Knowing what time they come and expecting them to come at that time, can feel like the last part of control you have in an area where you feel powerless.

Like if I have to do something at that time, you will do it at that exact time. And it can be difficult to have that time altered, as you feel like that little bit of control you had over your own care is gone.

I just don’t think you can understand what it’s truly like to have carers until you’re in the situation where you need them. Some seem to view it as a choice we should be grateful for. But honestly, it’s not, and it’s hard, and I think carers need to remember and respect that.

You made the choice. We didn’t.