What’s the first impression you want to give people?

And this is how I know that the internalised ableism is definitely kicking my butt at the minute.

I feel like it’s always there but sometimes it’s stronger than others. Bad news and failing things often makes it stronger, so those who read my last post likely know I am feeling this way.

The truth is I will never be seen as normal, Logically, I know I need to stop trying to be seen that way, because the truth is, I’m always going to fail. But knowing I should think a certain way, and actually thinking that way are two different things.

I know that being normal is overrated, but the world is so ableist, so inaccessible, so hard. That it’s incredibly difficult for me to not wish for this sometimes.

Hoping these feelings pass soon and I can set a new goal and move on to something that I can succeed at. I want my needs to be more than my disability. I want to be able to support myself in someway. And if I’m lucky, maybe make a change that matters in the world.