So I think part of my trauma of living with my disability has developed in my need to know everything about the little things in life. It makes me feel like I have some amount of control over my life, when in reality I control so little. This doesn’t help when the person I live with lies to me about things.

I know its to make me happy and they mean well and it just small things. But when I find out thar they lied to me it makes me feel more out of control.

I have no choice but to trust them. But I just don’t know how to sometimes. Sometimes I feel like they’re lying to me even when I can’t prove it. And asking them to prove it causes problems with them. They get upset with me.

So I try to skip that and check on things myself. But they offer to step in and do it for me, or sometimes it is something I can’t check without their help. Either way, I can’t make them understand why I need proof of these things. Why I really want to see proof of these things? How much something so minor to them is stressing me.

I think the little things in life, like where the batteries matter when you’re disabled. And I don’t think that’s my fault that they matter so much to me. And I don’t think it’s their fault that they don’t understand why it matters to me so much, they also have some processing difficulties so they genuinely just don’t get it I think.

It feels like there’s nothing I can do to get out of this situation. I need there help. I need to rely on them. They just don’t understand what that’s really like for me. And how much trust that involves.