This is almost my worse nightmare, second only to my chair being broken I suppose, and unfortunately this is what happened today. It always seems to happen on a day when I have something to do. Then again I have something to do more often than not, so I suppose that’s not really a surprise.

As I write this I am sat in the library waiting for my sister to come and meet me. I had several errands to complete today, and although they could have waited for another day. I had it in my head that they were going to be completed today, and so that is what I am trying my best to do.

If I had realised before I left the house this morning that my chair didn’t charge, I probably wouldn’t have gone out, though I have to admit I am stubborn so depending on what I had to do I may have risked the charge in my chair. But as I was already out by the time I realised I thought I might as well try to get things done.

Life doesn’t stop just because my chair hasn’t been charged.

If I had waited until tomorrow I would not have been able to come to the library to do part of what I needed to do. This means that getting things done would have taken at least two days, instead of one if I could do it all today.

With my sisters help I will definitely be able to get home. having completed most of the things I wanted to do today. One thing she is able to do without me if needed, take some things to our dad. The other she can’t be involved in as it is for her birthday, so it will have to wait until tomorrow.

In all honesty I am hoping my sister simply forgot to plug my chair charger into the wall last night. As having to get a new charger altogether if this one is broken is a bigger headache, but we will see.

I pride myself, for better or worse, in not letting anything stop me from doing what I want to do. This I know is internalised ableism, so please don’t read this thinking it makes me some sort of inspiration. However, though I know it will do me more harm than good, getting over my internalised ableism, brought about by the inaccessibility and pressure of society, is easier said than done. In other words, it is hard for me not to push myself to much, no matter the harm, especially when I know it gets things done. This makes instances like my chair not charging more difficult as I struggle just to let it go and accept that it isn’t my fault that I can’t get on with my day.

This outlook, though motivational in appearance, can be harmful. I may actually get stuck at some point today, when I could be safe at home. This is partially why I am meeting my sister.