When you always need peoples help, you learn that means you cant always get things done exactly the way you want to have them done. And from an outside perspective I get that doesn’t sound like a big deal, but when this logic is applied to everything around you, it all becomes harder to accept.

In other words, is one thing to say you need to be grateful to those who helpful and another thing when you need help with almost everything, and that gratefulness is still expected. Sometimes the gratefulness even becomes a condition of the things you need help with.

Asking for to much, can be interpreted as being ungrateful, which can cost you the help that you need or can at the very least complicate the help you need.

Knowing that you will always need help is complicated emotionally to deal with. Knowing that you are expected to act a certain way in order to be seen as worthy of getting that help that you need is also complicated to deal with. But what is even harder for me to deal with is the internalised emotional complicities of the idea that I am hard work, and as such must try to be less work, in order to deserve the help that I need.

These are easy traps to fall into as a disabled person, and it takes a lot of effort for me not to fall into them once I get out of them.