My favourite part of my life is my girls. They seem like the only beings in the world that see me for who I am, my carers have however been using them against me.

They’ve been saying that there’s poo in every room, which isn’t true. But what is true is that one of them was sick in my room, and I couldn’t see it until I was in my chair. She’s okay thankfully. But now I’m worried that the carers will use this against me.

I’m honestly getting tired of my carers. The idea of living the rest of my life being told how to behave by them, makes me feel sick.

They’ve made me afraid of answering the phone, even more than I already am normally, because I worry it’s them wanting to come early. I don’t know how to say no to them anymore when the truth is I just don’t want to go to bed, but that doesn’t feel like enough justification.

They’ve damaged the walls and my door.

They’ve made me feel rubbish about needing help.

Frankly, I’ve reached the point because of them that I don’t want carers, but carers are not optional for me. I’m struggling. I don’t want to deal with their judgement of my life, with them at all for the rest of my life. But I don’t have a choice.