I’m writing this post shortly after being asked by my sister to be quiet. To be fair to her it was gone at 2am when she asked me, I have a messed up sleep schedule to thank for that I suppose. I have many experiences of people telling me or heavily implying that I struggle to control my volume when emotional. I get loud. It doesn’t matter whether I’m happy or sad. If the emotion is strong I get loud, and I don’t even register it.

The fact I am not aware of this change in my volume is something that I don’t think many people understand or believe. And to be honest I kind of get it. It’s only after being told I was loud, that I realise I was loud. That said looking back on the time when I’m told I was being loud it doesn’t register as me being loud.

I guess here lies my biggest problem, how do I control a volume problem that I don’t even register having?

I have often wondered if this links to my Cerebral Pasly, or my exclusion from society. It is common with Cerebral Pasly to struggle with doing multiple physical things at once. And I wonder if the act of controlling the volume of my voice, the physicalities of speech and the emotions I am feeling is just t much. This makes sense to me as I think I experience a lot of my emotions physically. But I honestly can’t be certain if this is a Cerebral Pasly thing or a me thing.

What I can be certain of is that when I’m emotional I am not intentionally being loud. I am very sorry if I am. I am trying to control it I promise.

Out of interest if anyone knows anything about Volume regulation and Cerebral Pasly or other brain related conditions I would definitely love to hear what you have to say.

And to my neighbours and my sister, sorry.