So here’s something I’ve just realised as I sit in bed. I wanted my earphones.

But there were inacessible to me, in other words I couldn’t reach them. But instead of shouting my sister to get my earphones for me. I finished my drink and asked her for another, and when she came in to bring it to me, I asked her for my earphones.

I often do things like this without thinking. Think of something else I need, or sometimes create something else I need, in order to justify asking for the thing I actually want by asking for something I feel is more valid to ask for.

In doing this it has just occurred to me that I’m hierarching my own needs, deciding what’s important for me to need to help with and what isn’t. So I don’t waste the time of those looking after me with something unesssary.

This is obviously now, it occurs to me, internalised ablesim on my part. Convincing myself that I some things I need or want don’t matrer.

I’m going to think on this so I may come back to it.