Getting a job is something I’ve wanted to do my whole life, but as a disabled person this is hard to do for several reasons. The exact area of my job is almost irrelevant, having a job is something I just want to say I have done, and also some extra money is nice.

But the world we live in makes it difficult for disabled people to get a job. For me specifically, my area of study is education, so the ideal job I would get to take advantage of my qualifications would of course be a teacher. Though I often feel like this is one of the most inaccessible areas for me to gain work in. But it is my passion so I try.

The inaccessibility of the education system (and the rest of the world) honestly explains why I do not have a lot of experience in teaching, (and by extension many things in the world). This leads to a lot of anxiety when I do actively try to do do things in the ‘real world’ including getting a job because I simply have not done it before. I often feel like an adult with the confidence of an child, and yes I’m aware this is self infantisation, but it is also the truth.

So when I had a phone call a few hours a go from someone asking me about teaching roles, my experience and what I was looking for, to say I had mixed feelings about it all is is honestly a bit of an understatement.

I obviously want a job, but the every time the possibility of obe gets closer, I become terrified yet again. And I know that the only way too overcome these feelings it’s for me to actually get a job, as with much in my life I won’t know how I deal with it until I am dealing with it. But unfortunately that doesn’t make the thought any less scary.

Somewhat related to this search for work it might be worth mentioning that I’ve also been looking for online work, while this is in particular what I initially wanted it is work that will definitely be more accessible to me and that does less than some of the anxiety evolved.

All of this is of course without considering the effect on the benefits I receive. I of course need to make sure that I am knocked in a worse position financially simply because I try to work, as odd as the sounds it can and has happened to some people on benefits, so I do have to be careful.

This is to say the least a complex journey as many things are in life, particularly when you are disabled, We will just have to see where it goes. And while I don’t know where I am with this yet, but hopefully it will come to something and before too long I will be earning my own income in one way or another.